Life, a blessing...

MOVED

2010-03-29T12:59:00.000+08:00

Saya telah berpindah ke sini.

FINALLY

2010-03-12T18:59:00.002+08:00

Hard to do this.

since i love this place so much.

but yes, i'm closing it down.

so,

BYE.

Whatever

2010-03-03T13:33:00.003+08:00

I always want everything to be all right with this world. I want everyone that I care about to feel all right. Thus I always think about how I could help solve all the problems faced by people who turned to me in times of trouble.

Like, if there’s unfinished assignment, maybe I can help do the research a little bit? In my younger days, I could even do your power point slides. If you need help in language, I can teach you some. If you feel burdened with housework should I come over and try to ease them? Like, if you fight with ‘him’ I’ll tell you to let him be for a while, that guys need time to think by themselves? And if you’ve got problem with ‘her’, I’ll say, try to understand, her background, her way of thinking, the fact that she’s a woman, thus is prone to be emotional sometimes.

But sometimes, sometimes I just cannot help. It could be that I myself am burdened with much homework and stuff. A session of English clinic cannot immediately improve one’s language. Sometimes the problems lies deeper than the fact there’s housework to be done. Sometimes he admitted to having feelings for someone else. Sometimes she just can’t find it in herself a respect for him. Sometimes even after so long together, they end up breaking up.

And I’ll be devastated. I cannot bear seeing her/them cried and cried. Or knowing that they must’ve cried. I cannot help my own tears when she messaged “dyana, please help me forget him”, and this is not the first time, either.

How can I help? I wanted to so bad. I wish I am near you so that I can give you a hug, at least. But baby, you’re so far. But you’re always near when I need you. And how can I repay that?

My heart simply bleeds.

Don’t let anyone make you feel empty insides, honey. NO ONE has the right to do that to you……

I don't hate men. I try not to. I just cannot trust them enough. Not anymore. or Not yet. whatever.

Stop and Think

2010-02-27T12:06:00.005+08:00

Ini bukan soal siapa yang betul dan siapa yang salah. Ini terjadi kerana saya adalah manusia biasa yang punya hati yang kadang-kadang mudah terguris. [Nota: kadang-kadang sahaja, ok?]

Bila terasa hati dengan sesiapa, sehingga sukar untuk bertentang mata, saya kena berhenti seketika dan berfikir. Sebab kemudian saya akan mengerti bahawa sekiranya benar-benar mencuba, saya boleh memaafkan. Kerana Ya Allah, hakikatnya, saya sangat sayang mereka. Mereka yang saya temui di jalan mencari cintaMU. Cuma, berikan saya masa…

Bila saya ‘bengang’ tentang sesuatu polisi yang kadang-kadang terasa terlalu menyekat, saya perlu berhenti untuk berfikir. Kerana saya akan ingat bahawa saya sendiri pernah begitu tegas dengan polisi-polisi yang saya fikir baik untuk kesejahteraan bersama. Remember “kalau tak pakai mengikut sahsiah rupadiri tak boleh masuk DSG untuk aktiviti kolej”?

Maka: Saya perlu meletakkan diri saya di tempat mereka, dan cuba untuk menerima alasan di sebalik peraturan yang ditetapkan. Kerana hakikatnya Ya Allah, mereka yang mengenakan peraturan itu, adalah insan-insan yang sangat saya sayang keranaMU.

Dan juga kerana saya akan sentiasa ingat:
Siapa yang berada disisi ketika semangat pudar dan luntur, hati gundah atau terluka? Mereka.
Siapa yang ada disisi ketika saya bahagia, bergelak ketawa, dan bergurau senda? Mereka.

Maka adakah saya akan menjadi hamba yang tidak bersyukur dengan nikmat yang telah Allah kurniakan? Nikmat berada di jalan yang dipenuhi kasih sayang. Yang memberi nilai dan harga diri. Yang menemukan saya dengan erti kehidupan. Nikmat menemui insan-insan yang saling memberi peringatan, sekalipun pahit untuk ditelan…

Tidak, sekali-kali tidak. Tidak akan saya benarkan hati untuk memandu langkah kaki dan diri ini. Kerana biarpun mungkin tidak seberapa, saya dikurniakan iman. Nikmat terbesar yang tidak ingin saya sia-saiakn…

Alhamdulillah. Syukurlillah. Astaghfirullah…

Al-Fatihah

2010-02-14T09:02:00.005+08:00

Al-Fatihah,

buat Allahyarham Uncle Mat,

one of Papa's closest cirle,

and had been the friend of our family,

for as long as I could remember....

Moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman...

Sweetheart

2010-02-07T13:23:00.003+08:00

I hope she's well and healthy again.

Love.

All things good

2010-01-31T12:27:00.003+08:00

New Year. 2010. Already?

A month has passed, even. And every time people asked my age I whined inside before answering. Haha. Feeling old. Even if you probably won’t guess it at first glance. (why is age so important anyway?)

With this New Year come a lot of other changes, too.

For one, we moved out from Sumayyah. Yes, that most beloved little home where we twelve sisters dwelled in… we are scattered now, the Sumayyah sisters. And we’ve been replaced. Our journey is yet to end, but the routes are now different. It was hard at first. But the move had been anticipated (and dreaded) for months and months already so it was not that bad.

If you consider shedding a few tears and missing the laughter and chatty voices of the sisters like crazy at times isn’t so bad, that is. And when I sometimes visited the place again, it was like I can see/hear the ghosts of us living there, sometimes studying and sometimes gossiping. You know, that sort of things.

On the other hand, I am very much content, and thankful. For I’ve been accepted to live in Mawar, and guess who my roommate is? Yup, none other than BULAN. Happy :). Even if I think the 8th level is a trifle too high. We haven’t yet finished our décor, but we’re getting to it. May be I’ll let you have a peak of our room if I feel like it. :p

Second, I now have much freer times. Or my mind has less to think about and thus lots of new things and ideas replaced those old anxieties and worries and the burden of having to hold, well you know, a position of some sort.

I got to finished up 5 novels in my first and second week of school, imagine that! And I got to read The Kite Runner. I had fun roaming the city on my own in search of law books (at the same time, shopping for lots of new tudungs :)). Also, there are tons of other kinds of book waiting to enrich my mind in my newest knowledge collection. :)

Thirdly, I take care to talk to people, and getting to know new acquaintances. You probably think that I’m haughty the moment you set your eyes on me. But really, I’m just very shy. Haha. Sort of reserved, without meaning to be so. So I aim to change that this year. In the process, I already found another kindred spirit (as AnneOfGreenGables would’ve called them) to light up my everyday lives.

And guess what? I’m into graphic designing again! Even got few bookings already. :) So all in all L&G, life is treating me well recently. Notice the many smileys in this post?

Though at this particular moment, I’m having a tad of fever... and cold. But it’s okay, because didn’t they always say that ‘sakit itu penghapus dosa’? :)

See you! :)

Yes, but...

2009-12-17T10:22:00.002+08:00

Salam ‘alaik..

When I was not writing in here, leaving it empty for days and days, I feel like leaving a note for those who come to visit, saying, “please don’t stop, there’s nothing new”. But even that is a writing of some sort, isn’t it? I feel guilty for those who keep visiting, but………

I’ve been busy. I think.

Well, if you consider going to work (attachment program, actually) from 8-6 (which includes the going to and coming back from it) makes a person busy, that is. And perhaps since I spent my days researching in front of a monitor 2/3 of those hours and reading papers and books for some of it, and writing work-related things some more, and discussions with supervisors for the rest of it, I was usually too worn-out to switch on a monitor again when I got home. Maybe I’m taking this a little too seriously, because all the others seem to be really enjoying their time. Well, I did, no, I do enjoy these precious times too, but….

I think I’ve been studying here more than what I’ve done the whole of last semester, and a lot of new things too. Which is good, VERY, and really is exciting to some extent, but…….

I know that my social life suffers, since everything is off (blog, Facebook, Ygroups, email), and for the fact that I always hate texting, and thus didn’t manage to chat with those closest to my heart as often as I like.
And guess what? I almost loathe this kind of life (almost, but not quite hating it yet) – and also, I think I now understand how Nini feels.

I keep telling myself to “Simplify! Simplify!” because I seriously think that my mind is making things complicated when it really is a straightforward thing. And I also think that the world must be going crazy because I’m finding out that the whole world is in the path of allowing transgender existence and marriages in the name of human’s rights and equality.

Which reminds me: I got to finish up what I’m doing and see my supervisor in 38 minutes, and I’m not even half done with this.
Oh. Got to go. See you!

ps: sorry for ranting, again. :p

Online letter

2009-11-08T19:52:00.003+08:00

Dear A. Hijaz and K. Rahifah.

I'll come by on 15th, may be. coz then I would have finished exam, but I was thinking of going back Terengganu, too. huhu. dah cantik ke rumah baru?

Aidiladha? sure would be in Terengganu. haven't decide anything yet though.

My credit expired, and I don't feel like going out to get top up, it's raining anyway. and you guys don't have facebook, so can't PM you there. Nevermind, I'll create an account for you when I get there.

Hugs and kisses to Aisyah. <3

*ada ke orang lain wat kerjaan macam ni. hohoho :D*

*and why have I not thought about emails? nvrmnd, dah tulis pun, post je lah.*

Moodiness

2009-11-01T12:01:00.003+08:00

Bila melangkah keluar, menghukum mereka dengan kesenyapan yang tak dapat ditafsirkan, tanpa ada mereka melakukan apa-apa kesalahan, ketahuilah ada hati yang terluka, ada perasaan yang terguris.... sedangkan, bukan lama lagi pun kita akan bersama...

Sayang, fikir dahulu sebelum melempiaskan kemurunganmu pada sahabat. Terutama mereka yang saban hari bersama... setiap waktu bersua muka. Mereka yang menyayangimu tanpa syarat, hanya kerana Allah.

Saya sedar hari ini, banyak kali melakukan perkara yang sama, lalu sekarang Allah uji saya dengan merasa sendiri apa yang pernah saya biarkan mereka rasa. Buat Sumayyahians, maafkan angah.

Adik beradikku, mama papa, maafkan kakak....

Allah, pelihara ukhuwwah kami, pertalian kasih sayang antara kami...

Mooting

2009-10-22T15:15:00.005+08:00

Diary Entry: October 15, 2009

As of the usual practice of the last minute missy: her preparation for Mooting ended (though by no way completed) at 4 in the morning, after which she slept most soundly, and awoke at exactly 5 minutes to 6 am, very much alert. And of course, worried.

So: She took her time bathing, slowly washing her face, thoroughly brushing her teeth, and then performed the Subuh prayer, and recited the Mathurat, verse by verse, very much unhurried. She found solace in knowing that her day started with reminders that Allah was near, always. Her panic, though carefully hidden now, was considerably lessened.

She proceed in taking out her black and white kurung, the one she had worn only thrice before, which she had, only a few hours ago, meticulously and painstakingly, ironed out each tiny creases, and got dressed. Paying particular attention to tiny details in dressing (like where the sides of the kain should go), she then put on her scarf, this time a bit different from the way she usually wore it. Today, she wore it down. It would make it easier for the blazer to settle on her thin shoulder, and smarter, or at least she hoped so.

The coat was put on, and she was ready. The time? Only 7 and a quarter. For once in her life, she was early. Very.

Riding the only vehicle she possessed (and much thankful for), she went to Pusat Komersial, where her partner had earlier mentioned that she would find a printing shop opened near Bintang Sidewalk Cafe.

She found the shop, recognizing the signs of tired eyes and worn out smile on the face, to know that the shop assistant, the girl one, hadn’t had any more sleep than she did. She waited for about 10 minutes, for it seemed that there were others like her (many, in fact), that needed to do the same kind of eleventh hour work, but for different subjects, different courses.

She picked out three red cover papers, printed out the last two pages of her case, the front cover for the additional and original bundle of authorities, made a copy of provisions in Contract Act 1950, and had them bound properly. Beautiful, her heart said. She was satisfied. Off she went to the campus.

The first place she headed to when she arrived at the Cempaka building, was the ladies room, where she knew a big long mirror was waiting for her. No, not to check her appearance (at least not just for that). She took out her black D ring file, separated the papers, and when she found what she was looking for, stared at her reflection with as much confident as she could mustered.

For a while she was speechless. Her heartbeat tripled its speed.

“May it pleases Yang Arif,” she stopped.

Deep breath.

Continue.

“I am Nurdyana Su, the junior counsel appearing on behalf of the appellant, Soul Society Sdn. Bhd…”

Thus her rehearsal begun.

She ignored all that came and went during those 15 minutes (a cleaner, and three females – yes, she did count), all attention focused to the words she had diligently thought about and typed. Font 14, Cambria, her favourite. Large enough for her eyes to see when standing.

Finished, she felt slightly more confident.

‘This isn’t so hard diy,’ her heart whispered, ‘of course you can do it. And do it well.’

She climbed two flights of stairs and there she was, right in front of the Moot Court wooden door.

And then reality hit.

Diary Entry

2009-10-16T20:47:00.000+08:00

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2009

Today I decided to rant some more. If you don’t want to listen, you may leave. Promise no hard feeling on my part. :p

September passed like a blur. That fast, yes. I could not recall much if I’ve filled them with productive living, but I remember a lot of heart aches. Tried as I might to forgive and forget, seems like the “green” element of me doesn’t let go of the memories as easily as it should. [Only people familiar with aura colour thingy will understand this]

These past weeks, after the holiday ended, had been a rude awakening. Suddenly I realised I have Mooting, and research proposal and presentation, tests, quizzes, and an assignment lined up in front of me. That much works but so little time. If the past 3 semesters were hard, this semester is triple of those. One proposal dateline is enough to make you sweat. What with its presentation and Mooting thrown in as well? Plus all those night replacement classes that had to be attended.

3 Subjects with no finals, means 3 big projects to be settled in these 3 weeks before the finals starts. Don’t even remind me that we have no study week!

Few things I’m glad of, though. One is that I think I am off the hook from the contract of you-know-what. I think I had pleaded my case well, even if I had only that one argument. It was a strong argument after all. Also, I think they would be glad to see my back, glad that I provided a strong reason to leave so that they don’t have to voice out what they are actually thinking about me. [Whatever it is, I still love these people to bits, I just do. <3 <3 <3]

Just that, I really really need my time off. Desperately. So that I can be normal. A better person.

Second, I got the opportunity to attend my sweet Gadis Merah Jambu’s kenduri. Though I am sad sad sad that she leaves us, especially when recalling all the late nights we spent whispering life tales to each other (instead of sleeping), the moments when she would cook for us (outrageously delicious food that makes you think you’re home) or when I cook and she would observed (and comments – oh yes, she loves commenting, she has opinion on everything, very much like my mother, hoho.). I just love her, this pinky beauty.

Whatever it is, I am glad. That I am living. And breathing. And walking through life on this path I’ve chosen, surrounded by people I love and whom I believe love me back, unconditionally. Syukur lillah.

Life is, a blessing after all.

Pieces of Aidilfitri

2009-10-05T18:56:00.003+08:00

Some of the more memorable moments this raya...

Kind of agak terlambat... tapi tetap dyana nak ucap...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

maafkan dyana, zahir dan batin.

A leader...

2009-09-12T13:44:00.002+08:00

whom she respect.

Adalah seorang yang tak pernah malu untuk menuturkan maaf.

Bukan sekali rasanya dia berbuat begitu. Tetapi kali yang terakhir ini, membuatkan Hanis rasa seperti begitu banyak menyusahkan dia.

Ceritanya mudah sahaja. Seperti biasa setiap kali pertemuan, pasti ada yang akan ditegurnya. Note: PASTI ADA. haha.

Belum pernah lagi laporan yang Hanis berikan mendapat hanya pujian. Dia pasti akan meminta Hanis berfikir kembali dan menilai setiap perancangan dan tindakan yang diambil. Tidak pernah menerima sahaja dan benar-benar berpuas hati. Kadang-kadang Hanis terpaksa mengingatkan diri, yang bahawa dia, seperti juga dirinya, hanya menginginkan yang terbaik untuk keluarga ini.

Pertemuan lepas, terasa seperti, selepas begitu penat Hanis dan kawan-kawan berusaha untuk menyelesaikan tugasan, masih ada lagi yang menimbulkan ketidakpuasan hati dia. Perkara kecil, dari pandangan Hanis. Perlu diambil serius, kata dia.

Lalu mereka berbalas kata, Aisya, Alia, Fazlin, Sarah (di pihak Hanis), dan dia.

Hanis di situ, entah kenapa, terasa bagai sedang dimarahi seorang ayah. Yang masih tidak berpuas hati dengan usaha yang telah Hanis ketengahkan. Terasa bagai dia lebih menyebelahi orang ketiga, bilamana berkali-kali mempertahankan orang itu. Seolah dia tak mempercayai Hanis. Seolah kerana dia tidak memantau bahagian kerja Hanis yang ini, kerana itulah masalah terjadi.

Perasaan dan persoalan yang pelbagai ini, ditambah dengan penat mungkin, dan amarah yang memang sebati dengan diri, membuatkan Hanis teremosi. Pertemuan itu, Hanis tinggalkan lebih awal daripada yang lain kerana air mata laju amat membasahi pipi.

Hanis pasti. Dia akan menelefon. Cepat atau lambat. Dan dalam perjalanan pulang Hanis telah menyediakan perkataan yang sesuai untuk menjawab panggilan dia.

"Leave me alone". Akan Hanis ucapkan.

Merah bengkak matanya, berkali-kali ungkapan “benci, benci, benci!” keluar dalam tangisnya. Hampir berputus asa, hampir tidak ingin lagi mencuba.

Namun Hanis bukan orang yang sebegitu. Sejak dulu lagi ‘putus asa’ bukan sebahagian dari kamus hidupnya. Lalu dibuang amarahnya, dinilai kembali perbuatannya. Andai ditegur, pasti masih ada silap di mana-mana. Besar atau kecil, lain cerita. Hanis perlu tenang menghadapi segala kritikan. Tenang… tenang… kerana Hanis ada Allah tempat tumpuan segala pengaduan. Solat, Ibadah, Hidup, Mati, segala-galanya kerana Allah, bukan untuk memuaskan manusia. Hanis akur andai ini satu lagi bentuk ujian Allah untuk dia. Hanis perlu kuat. Sabar. Semua orang menasihatkan begitu.

Malam itu Hanis lihat dia berkerut wajahnya, bagai terlalu banyak masalah. Hanis yang sudah boleh bergurau senda, bergelak ketawa, tiba-tiba tersedar, sudah terlalu banyak tanggungjawab yang terpikul di pundaknya. Ah, bagaimana sanggup Hanis menambahkan kekusutan dia.

Bila dia menelefon meminta maaf, Hanis terasa sangat kerdil. Hanis terasa berdosa kerana menambahkan masalah dia. Dia yang perlu memastikan semua anak buahnya dalam keadaan yang baik, fizikal dan emosi. Begitu berat posisinya. Sedang Hanis hanya diberi sedikit agihan tanggungjawab, yang kebanyakan masa tidak begitu mengganggu fikiran.

Dia, yang tidak ego atau malu untuk meminta maaf demi menjernihkan kekeruhan.

Benar, Hanis sangat hormat. Seorang pemimpin seperti dia.

This is good

2009-09-07T22:56:00.005+08:00

She was standing there, looking at us all in the eye, as if to see deep down into our heart. Her face was kind, motherly.

“This is good.” The title of her story.

So we paid attention.

“There was this King and a very close friend who became his most trusted companion. He followed the King everywhere he went. To the jungle, especially, when the King has the urge to hunt, which was his favourite pastime, it seemed.”

“One fated day, while the two was in a pursuit of a deer, the companion had accidently pulled the trigger at the wrong moment to the wrong target. He shot the King’s little finger, and it bled profusely.”

“The King became really angry, gave the companion the daggers’ look, and yelled, ‘why on earth did you shoot me?’ It was of course, an accident, and both the King and friend knew this. Now the King has lost one of his fingers. ”

“But the friend only said, ‘this is good’, which angered the King to the point of fuming rage. He sent the companion to the prison and eventually forgot about him.”

“A year later, the King went hunting, alone this time. He mistakenly entered into a prohibited part of the jungle, where the cannibals lived. It was really unfortunate of him, as he was tied up and imprisoned, to be made a special feast for the cannibals. You see, it was not very often that these people (can they be called people?) manage to get human flesh for their dinner.”

I was thinking of Captain Jack at this point, being tied up to a bamboo, where a pile of woods was ready to be burned. Yes, gentlemen, I watched Pirates of the Caribbean. A favourite, in fact. =p

“When one the cannibals went to check on the King, he found that the King has only four fingers on his left hand, and the cannibals were alarmed. They have one prohibition, these cannibals, even if they have none of our civilization: they didn’t prey on the handicapped.”

“And so the King was freed, and with all the energy he could muster, he ran and ran back to his castle (well, he may as well have ride a horse or something, was the thought that crossed my mind), and the first thing he remembered was of his friend. He told his officer to let the friend out from the dungeon, and with all the gratitude he felt, thanked him for having shot his finger, for that was what saved him that day.”

“The King told this friend of his terrifying experience, and conveyed his regret for having treated him like a criminal and putting him in prison. But the friend only smiled and said, ‘This is good.’”

“This confused the King, and he inquired, ‘How can you say that?’. The King thought maybe his friend has lost his mind, left so long in the cold dungeon.”

But we have started to see the picture.

“My beloved King, have my King not noticed, that have I not been put into prison, I would still be Your Lordship’s most loyal companion. Today I would have gone with Your Lordship to the jungle. Both of us would have been captured, but Your Lordship would be freed. I, in the other hand, have all my organs intact, and would be made the cannibals’ feast.”

“Again and again the friend said, ‘This is good’. But now the King understood.”

“I am sure that we’ve all heard the saying, ‘everything happens for a reason’, haven’t you?”

“We have,” some voiced out. Others nodded.

“By turning those words into a story, we can see it clearer, right?”

“Yes.” Again we nod.

“That is how you could deal with the society at large. Stories make your point clearer, more interesting.”

“And you should apply this attitude in yourselves. When things happened that are hard to accept, just say ‘this is good’. Because Allah has promised that He will only give you a test that you could bear, right? So put a smile on your face even in your hardest times.”

“Now I want to see your smile.”

And so we grinned.

The irony was, today, after screaming all the bad thoughts out of my heart for 30 seconds to the empty living room (they just don’t yell back at you, so better stop, right?), spending half an hour attending to the hurt and anger, few seconds messaging two people I can put blame on (obviously am not an angel), another half an hour answering messages from people who worried about me (my appreciation gals, I truly love you, and thanks to you too, F & H), and all the times crying my heart out like a broken spirit (which I thought I was), I stopped.

“This is good. This must be good. I have Allah, have I not? It is only His blessing that I strive for, not human's appreciation. It is Allah who requires me to work for him. And I’ll give all in my journey to obtain His approval of me. I will be strong. No, I am strong.”

And again, I could smile. See, it wasn’t that hard, diy. You're okay now.

May Allah be with you, in each and every step you take.

:)

1Malaysia

2009-08-31T15:22:00.010+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

Semalam, selepas tarawih, sewaktu abang Hijaz (brother in law) bertanya pendapat saya tentang isu "kepala lembu", saya blur. (Yes, she's not always that updated ;p)

He asked, "You tak dengar ke tazkirah I tarawih tadi?"

"Dengar." Tapi obviously tak cukup memahami. Huhu. I thought ia ada kaitan dengan isu kuil though.

Tapi bila membuka facebook dan membaca sepotong ayat kirim seorang teman, saya pun faham.
"Dan janganlah kamu cerca benda-benda yang mereka sembah yang lain dari Allah, kerana mereka kelak, akan mencerca Allah secara melampaui batas dengan ketiadaan pengetahuan. Demikianlah Kami memperelokkan pada pandangan tiap-tiap umat akan amal perbuatan mereka, kemudian kepada Tuhan merekalah tempat kembali mereka, lalu Ia menerangkan kepada mereka apa yang mereka telah lakukan."

(al-An'am [6:10])

Saya tahu ada pertikaian tentang pemindahan kuil seksyen 19, dan sebenar-benarnya saya adalah seorang yang percaya dengan perlunya Freedom of Expression. Hence my previous post here.

Tapi, bila dihadapkan dengan ini:

dan ini:

Saya terfikir, perlukah sampai begitu?

Bukankah kita menuju matlamat Satu Malaysia?

Hurm.

Oh ye, Selamat Ulangtahun Kemerdekaan yang ke-52!

News and pictures from: http://www.malaysiakini.com/news/111611

Diam

2009-08-30T17:13:00.001+08:00

“Menjaga sebuah perhubungan itu amat susah, kamu tahu kan?” tiba-tiba Asiah bersuara.

“Sebab tu orang yang dah berkahwin pun boleh bercerai-berai. Sebab tu sahabat baik yang gelar diri mereka BFF (best friends forever) boleh drift apart bila-bila masa sahaja.”

“Tapi ada suatu perhubungan yang saya rasa akan kekal sampai bila-bila. Rasanya semua orang pun tahu.” Panjang ceritanya.

“Mereka yang bertemu dan berpisah kerana Allah, tahu kan? Ukhuwah fillah. Maka, setiap yang berlaku antara mereka, salah faham, perselisihan, akan dikembalikan kepada Allah. Means, tak tersimpan di hati dan sekejap sahaja gurisannya.”

Hanis can’t help but protest, “Tapi guris di hati saya ini sudah berhari-hari. Dah sampai luka, hari ini saya rasa dia dah berdarah dan hampir tak akan mampu diubati lagi. Hence my perangai this morning.” Urgh.

“Tahukah kamu puncanya?”

“Tak terluah. Saya simpan sendiri-sendiri. Sebab itu ia memakan hati. Saya tahu itu.”

“All these times you always pride yourself on being frank and honest. Means, kalau ada yang tak puas hati, akan kamu katakan. Dalam mesyuarat, bukanlah orang yang mendengar semata-mata. Kamu tak tergolong dalam muslimah pendiam itu. You are the outspoken, argumentative type of person.”

“Tapi sedar tak, dengan orang yang benar-benar kamu sayang, sangat sukar untuk berterus terang. Bila kamu benar-benar marah, kamu akan diam.”

“Means what? Adakah tidak persahabatan saya ini berlandaskan aqidah yang haq? Tak kerana Allah?” Tak mampu memberi jawapan kenapa perlu begitu terasa.

“Cakap sahaja apa yang kamu pendam itu.”

“Which one? Yang ini? Go away. Stay where you are. Don’t ever come back.” Seems like dia sangat-sangat terasa. Sampai ke tahap tak ingin peduli lagi.

“Tapi kamu sayang dia.” Raised eyebrows.

“Yang sebenarnya, kamu mahu dia selalu ada disisi. Kamu rasa seolah ditinggalkan bila dia prefer berada di sana daripada di sini. Kamu lonely. Namun, bila dia ada, kamu tak hargai. Tak peduli.”

“Siapa kata saya tak peduli?”

“Oh I know you care all right. Kamu cuma tak pernah pandai menunjukkan perasaan kamu yang sebenar. When it really matters.”

“Like with Z last time, bila dia minta kamu cari pengganti dia, kamu marah kan? Tapi instead of arguing, kamu kata ‘Fine!’. When it wasn’t fine at all. Remember?” Dan tak berhubung berkurun lamanya. Yes, she remembers.

“You’re going to ruin everything with that attitude Nis. Trust me.”

Love this!

2009-08-30T02:23:00.002+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Am in love with this.

Wahai Allah rahmati dan kurniakanlah
Kesejahteraan atas Muhammad Rasulullah
Dan selawat yang dapat melapangkan rezeki kami
Dan menjadikan baiknya akhlaq kami....

Dan curahkanlah kesejahteraan atas keluarga dan para sahabatnya...

Tenang. Tenang hati mendengarnya.
Repeatedly playing the same tune.
Definitely going to find and buy the CD.

Now didie, go to sleep.

*these days, really am a burung hantu*

Mohon Penjelasan

2009-08-29T05:49:00.004+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Adakah sesiapa boleh jelaskan pada saya situasi ni?

i. Esok ada test, dengan penuh keazaman, minum se'mug' nescafe, buka buku/fail/handouts, mula membaca dengan tekun, terasa mengantuk, tidur.

ii. Esok cuti hujung minggu, banyak program, rehat diperlukan, buka internet, mula 'melompat-lompat blog' (;p), dan tanpa disedari, jam sudah 4 pagi.

Syndrome apakah ini? Dan kenapa ye ini selalu terjadi kepada budak yang bernama didie itu?

Selamat berpuasa untuk hari yang ke-8 everyone!

The Research Thingy

2009-08-27T18:34:00.004+08:00

We wanted to do a study on legal aids in Malaysia, but didn't really know which issues to be addressed.

Am not even sure if there is any besides the fact that there aren’t enough lawyers doing pro bono. And of course, not enough funding to see enough cases get through our justice system each year.

Then again, those who work for government’s Legal Aid Bureau sure didn’t get the same remuneration as others working in paying cases.

I wanted to deal on the cost of justice that leaves thousands of people not having the right representations, but then to suggest amendments to such things to the government would fall under political studies, not a legal one, or so our lecturer told us.

To deal with children's right in juvenile cases is an option, but that would totally be outside legal aids issues we think, and we will have to start all over again.

Time is so running out.

Help us, o Almighty Lord...

No good start

2009-08-26T09:44:00.003+08:00

Know this isn't the rightest thing that I should be doing, but my cowardice overcomes bravery and determination this morning. So here I am, outside of class at this bench listening to the moving fan when I should be inside listening to all those presentations and of course, learning. Being late you see, is rude.

oh. this is sooo bad...

Holy Month, New Spirit!

2009-08-25T17:40:00.006+08:00

I realised today that I truly like Specific Contract.
No, I love it.

I love Criminal Law too. Haven’t missed a lecture yet.

And Admin of Trust, even if it's harder. But can’t be that hard, can it?

And Land Law. I love this very much this semester. Struggling to get everything inside the head coz there's so many information to be digested. Yes. But love it nevertheless.

Mooting is a bit daunting though. And Legal Research requires lots and lots of work.

But since I so love doing this, it should be good isn’t it?

Should I not aim for 4 flat? Hohoho.

No, seriously. I should, right?

They say, “reach for the moon, even if you fall, you’ll fall among the brilliant stars...”

Now, that's what I'm going to do. So do pray for me, my dearest friends and family.

Pray that I’ll manage to get through this with flying colours…

And of course. Ramadhan Kareem everyone… wish it started differently for me, but hey, it’s the holy month again where everything, every single little deed counts more than it usually does. Even waking up in the morning seems easier.

Oh, I love this feeling. This optimism that seems to be missing for a while back.

Found it again. Going to cherish it. And nurture it.

Wonder what Mama cooks for tonight. What is it ina? Mee bandung? Bubur lambuk? craving for that....

May Allah bless us all.

Selamat berbuka semua. =)

Hi there!

2009-08-20T20:59:00.002+08:00

Salam 'alaik,

If you've been checking out recently, you would have realized that my blog layout changes almost everyday. and now it's totally empty. please bear with this nuisance for a while.

I guess I'm in search of a soulmate.

See you!

=)

This heart speaks

2009-08-14T11:38:00.002+08:00

Hati ini sebenarnya pedih dan sedih..
Kalau mereka terus menjauh begini, apa lagi yang harus saya lakukan?
Ya Rabb… jangan uji kami begini…
Saya… tak mampu.

Untukmu sayang...

Sesungguhnya Engkau tahu
bahwa hati ini tlah berpadu
berhimpun dalam naungan cintaMu

bertemu dalam ketaatan
bersatu dalam perjuangan
menegakkan syariat dalam kehidupan

kuatkanlah ikatannya
tegakkanlah cintanya
tunjukilah jalan-jalannya

terangilah dengan cahyaMu
yang tiada pernah padam
ya Robbi bimbinglah kami…

rapatkanlah dada kami
dengan karunia iman
dan indahnya tawakkal padaMu

hidupkan dengan ma’rifatMu
matikan dalam syahid di jalanMu
Engkaulah pelindung dan pembela

Kuatkanlah ikatannya
tegakkanlah cintanya
tunjukilah jalan-jalannya

terangilah dengan cahyaMu
yang tiada pernah padam
ya Robbi bimbinglah kami…

Bantu kami Ya Allah...

Tug

2009-08-07T15:01:00.002+08:00

Today I read about the importance of knowing short hands and abbreviations used in today's techy world. Reminds me of one that I learned years back.

IMU. Remember?

What I Found II

2009-08-05T01:49:00.002+08:00

WHY DO MALAYSIAN MARCH?
Yeo Yang Poh

WHY march, when the government has said that it will review the Internal Security Act? Why march, when there are other very cosy ways of giving your views and feedback?

One would understand if these were questions posed by nine-year-olds. But they are not. They are questions posed by the prime minister of this nation we call our home. Answer we must. So, why?

Because thousands who died while in detention cannot march or speak any more. That is why others have to do it for them.

Because persons in the corridors of power, persons who have amassed tremendous wealth and live in mansions, and persons who are in the position to right wrongs but won’t, continue to rule our nation with suffocating might. And they certainly would not march. They would prevent others from marching.

Because the have-nots, the sidelined, the oppressed, the discriminated and the persecuted have no effective line to the powerful.

Because the nice ways have been tried ad nauseam for decades, but have fallen on deaf ears.

Because none of the major recommendations of Suhakam (including on peaceful assembly), or of the commissions of inquiry, has been implemented. Because the proposed Independent Police Complaints and Misconduct Commission (IPCMC) is not in sight, while corruption and insecurity live in every neighbourhood; and (despite reasoned views expressed ever so nicely in opposition) Rela (people’s volunteer corps) is being brought in to make matters even worse.

The proponents in “Su Qiu” (remember them?) were not marchers. In fact it is hard to find nicer ways than “su qiu”, because the term means “present and request” or “inform and request”. In terms of putting forward a view or a request, it is the height of politeness. Yet they were labelled “extremists” – they who did not march.

And now you ask, why march?

Because you gave non-marchers a false name! You called them the “silent majority”, who by virtue of their silence (so you proudly argued with twisted logic) were supporters of government policies since they were not vocal in raising objections. You claimed to be protecting the interest of the “silent majority”. Now some of them do not want to be silent anymore, and you are asking why?

Yes, because double standards and hypocrisy cannot be covered up or explained away forever; and incompetence cannot be indefinitely propped up by depleting resources.

Because cronyism can only take care of a few people, and the rest will eventually wake up to realise the repeated lies that things were done in certain ways purportedly “for their benefit”.

Because the race card, cleverly played for such a long time, is beginning to be seen for what it really is – a despicable tool to divide the rakyat for easier political manipulation.

Because it does not take much to figure out that there is no good reason why Malaysia, a country with abundant human resources and rich natural resources, does not have a standard of living many times higher than that of Singapore, an island state with no natural resources and that has to import human resources from Malaysia and elsewhere.

Because, in general, countries that do not persecute marchers are prosperous or are improving from their previous state of affairs, and those that do are declining.

Because Gandhi marched, Mandela marched, Martin Luther King marched, and Tunku Abdul Rahman marched.

Because more and more people realise that peaceful assemblies are no threat at all to the security of the nation, although they are a threat to the security of tenure of the ruling elite.

Because politicians do not mean it when they say with a straight face or a smile that they are the servants and that the people are the masters. No servant would treat his master with tear gas, batons and handcuffs.

Because if the marchers in history had been stopped in their tracks, places like India, Malaysia and many others would still be colonies today, apartheid would still be thriving in South Africa, Nelson Mandela would still be scribbling on the walls of Cell 5, and Obama would probably be a slave somewhere in Mississippi plotting to make his next midnight dash for the river.

And because liberty, freedom and dignity are not free vouchers posted out to each household.

They do not come to those who just sit and wait. They have to be fought for, and gained.

And if you still want to ask: why march; I can go on and on until the last tree is felled. But I shall
obviously not.

I will end with the following lines from one of the songs sung in the 1960s by civil rights marchers in the US, without whom Obama would not be able to even sit with the whites in a bus, let alone reside in the White House:

“It isn’t nice to block the doorway
It isn’t nice to go to jail
There are nicer ways to do it
But the nice ways have all failed
It isn’t nice; it isn’t nice
You’ve told us once, you’ve told us twice
But if that’s freedom’s price
We don’t mind ...”

Yeo Yang Poh is a former Bar Council president.

What I Found

2009-08-04T01:36:00.002+08:00

My BEL for this semester is..........

I don't really know how to describe it. But let's just say that I'm ready to be distressed. Yes, again.

The course is called "Language Appreciation", and as much as I love learning English and love reading literatures, my favourite being Jane Austen's novels, I have never been a poetry reader.

But now "The Love Song of J.Alfred Prufrock" by T.S Elliot is a syllabus that I need to digest, and digest well.

Tomorrow, we will have to do a recitation, I'm told.

Poem recitation.

This of course, brings back all the nervous energy that I no longer bother to hide from people. Problem is, where could I find something that I can understand? I surely won't understand Robert Browning's My Last Duchess.

Not that I don't try to. Believe me.

And to think that my perception of the way to read poem is Totally Misguided.

You see, I searched for some poetry recitation and found out that nobody, not one, read poem the way I believe is the right way. You know, the melancholy way, slow, word by word with long pauses. hoho. (Nasib baik saya cek dulu).

But anyway, I found this person and needless to say, I’m very much taken by her words and her arts (or else I won’t be writing it here =p).

So here’s what I’m going to present in class tomorrow:

Guys, plese pray for me. More importantly, please pray that I managed to deliver the message from this poem.

See you.

We are closed

2009-07-24T14:48:00.000+08:00

UiTM Malaysia Shah Alam is to be closed. From 27th July until 2nd August.

It shouldn’t be a happy occasion, is it? We are closed due to the threat of H1N1 after all. But the whole Sumayyah is bubbling with laughter and joyous voices. Us sisters have been joking and making fun of our youngest, Amalina because she isn’t included in this early holidays. She’s in industrial training, and as such, do not enjoy the same schedule as the rest of us.

Usu has been busy on the phone since the news was told to her. Calling her mother, sisters and everybody else that she could… discussing the plan of going home. As if she would be allowed to. As if we’re all going to be as free as others are. But really, it feels like we’re celebrating Raya in a few days…

Dear beloved readers, I’m really sorry for neglecting this little space. It really is unexplainable. It really is quite personal.

But now it is opened again. This little blog of mine.

Until we meet again. See you.

Rambling

2009-05-25T22:19:00.000+08:00

As much as I promised myself not to accept any work that has to do with designing stuffs again, I just cannot help it.

Thing is, I’ve neglected designing through Photoshop almost completely. There has been no new design for months and months now, at least nothing serious. Now and then I would alter a photo or two, adding captions and things like that, but it has not been the same.

I believe I’ve lost the touch.

I can no longer promise Bulan or anyone else that I’ll design their wedding invitation cards. Would no longer be able to open up a designing company with my sister or che lah or sal…

A pity, isn’t it?

Anyway. I accepted a new assignment just few minutes ago.

A blog. Berwajah Malaysia.

I wonder… of my own capability. Could I manage?

Pray that I do.

A Letter to BS

2009-05-05T21:51:00.002+08:00

Dear Sumayyah sisters,

Know that I missed you gals today. A lot. =)

Promised Ateh to go running again, supposedly this very morning, but couldn’t keep the promise.

Promised dear Adda to be her driver to go shopping, but didn’t manage to be that too.

Had wanted for soooo long to clean up the garbage place at the gate, and promised Achik to do it after finishing my papers, but had come back here so soon after finishing my paper.

So another promise broken.

Had planned to do so many little fun “berfoya-foya” things with Bulan and kakak too. But keep forgetting to stop somewhere for topup and couldn’t reply Bulan’s and others’ messages at all. Consequently losing contact with the rest of the world - which is very sad. Hoho.

But I always love being home.

Be it Kak Aida’s or Kak Iffah’s or Sumayyah, especially of course Terengganu, each has many great attractions.

But here I am seeing Aisyah again! I am blessed.

How am I feeling after finishing exam? Nothing. Tak de perasaan. Seeing that this is the worst exam in my life. @.@

~tata!

2009-05-03T18:26:00.005+08:00

Happy birthday

kak eda!!!!!!!!!!!!!

takde credit punyer pasal, terpaksalah menjerit kat cni =p
may you be blessed with happiness, always and forever!

=)

2009-05-03T15:36:00.006+08:00

Bahagia bila melihat gadis merah jambu bahagia...
was so beautiful yesterday...
tahniah sayang...

Tahniah juga buat abang long kusyairi and kak huda...
Semoga bahagia hingga ke hujung usia, menuju syurga.

^_^

A Dedication

2009-04-30T13:02:00.001+08:00

A Happy Happy Birthday
to my beloved sister, Ruzanna Sulong
on this 30th April 2009

u.n.t.i.t.l.e.d

2009-04-25T12:11:00.008+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

Miss my rants, don’t you? hoho. =p

Well, I did intent to write daily in here but you know, final examination consumes all your times. If you’re not there studying or pretending to study, then you would be deep in misery of worries.

Say, you’ve messed up your admin paper, and you don’t even know whether you’ll pass or not. And that’s one huge worry because you know: you’ve never had to worry about that before.

All you used to worry for the last two semesters of your life in legal studies is whether you’ll manage to get at least a B or not. You know that somehow in the end you’ll pass that above three CGPA requirement and your parents would be like “why can’t you get a dean?” but it’s okay because that’s the limit of their question.

They won’t be like, “you’ve been too much consumed with your extra-curricular activities, now stop that and focus on your studies!” because you are still maintaining an ‘okay’ result and your chance of continuing into LLB course is still very bright and that’s what matters for now.

Anyway, there’s no used crying over spilt milk. And behold! Didi has been very strong and she didn’t cry this time! =)

And today she started her life anew. After Subuh prayer and the usual stuff she does in the morning you could hear her yelling to the upper part of the house, “Ateh! Andak!” and again “Ateh! Andak!” and again and again until Ateh called back and then got ready and then went out of the house and RUN!

Ok. The riding motorcycle part to get to the lake doesn’t count.

Such a satisfaction it was. To be running until you were out of breath and all sweating (ok, feeling a bit dizzy too) but hey, you’ve not done that for ages.

It certainly was worth it, even if Ateh did want us to go another round by just walking and I did agree and we did that and it was really exhausting and all but I’m totally happy. This is bliss.

And Bulan started her driving lesson today!

Which means she has also started her day anew after yesterday’s frustration, and I remember thinking how when you start your driving lessons you feel like ‘I’m moving another step ahead in my life’ and that’s one happy thought too. So darling sister (=p), enjoy the lessons, and even if you have to listen to all the ceramah and stuffs, it would be worth it.

I’m going to leave you with this lyric: Kesaksian from Brothers. This is the song that sustained me through my studying Admin. I usually don’t (can’t, actually) listen to songs while studying but with Admin you need that spirit just to get you going (coz you’re like, always at the edge, always wanting to just stop and give up).

You see, the words in this song reminded me that I’m not doing this studying for the sake of myself alone. It doesn’t matter that this is hard, or that I feel so tortured having to go through examination, because what is this little tiny minute suffering, compared to what the sahabat had to endure once upon a time? And what is this examination questions, compared to the questions in Mahsyar which are inevitable, whether I wished for it or not?

And remember didi? There’s a lot people counting on you.

And remember?

Innasolati wanusuki wamahyaya wamamati lillahi rabbil ‘alamin…

Do the best you could, and leave the rest to the Lord, your creator, and owner of your qalb…

Oh, here it is:

Kesaksian
Munsyid : Brothers
http://liriknasyid.com

Bersaksilah tuhanku satu

Segala puji bagi tuhan
Hadir Muhammad bawa kebenaran
Walau disiksa dihina
Takkan sekali ku berpatah arah

Untukmu agamamu
Untukku kebenaran Tuhanku

Siksalah jasadku
Takkanku tunduk pada kejahilanmu
Kerna mengalir di seluruh tubuhku
Kalimah Tuhan dari lidah Rasulku

Dan itu yang ku percaya

Deritaku menjadi saksi bisu
Tanda kasihku kepada Yang Terulung
Walau disirami debu yang menangis
Genggamku ini takku lepaskan
(Takku lepaskan)

Panaslah sang mentari
Lafaz kalimah takkanku henti

Siksalah jasadku
Takkanku tunduk pada kejahilanmu
Kerna mengalir di seluruh tubuhku
Kalimah tuhan dari lidah Rasulku
Dan itu yang ku percaya

Bersaksilah tuhanku satu

Takku lepaskan
Panaslah sang mentari
Lafaz kalimah takkanku henti

Siksalah jasadku
Takkanku tunduk pada kejahilanmu
Kerna mengalir di seluruh tubuhku
Kalimah tuhan dari lidah Rasulku

Dan itu yang ku percaya

p/s: If you cannot find the connection between the lyric and my exam panic, don’t bother too much about it. =p Everybody has different interpretation of things…

and oh yes, forgive my mixed up grammar will you? thank you!

bye for now! ^_^

Good Morning!

2009-04-19T07:07:00.005+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

A great and beautiful morning it is today… glorious indeed. The sunshine shining bright. The fresh morning breeze. A promise of a new day. To be filled with love! And the birds chirping... oh we can hear them from our home here... it’s wonderful. =)

Wish I can go out there and run… ok, it's suppose to be jogging. would be great wouldn’t it?

But not today. I’ve got a little task to do today. So I need to get ready as soon as possible. Shouldn’t even be wasting time to write this! Hoho. >.<

But if I don’t write, I won’t remember that I once had this kind of morning among all the lazy mornings that I’ve always had. It is not always that we woke up and feel this good, do we? So cherish this moment didi!

Okay, got to go now. See you when I see you.

^_^

Cup and Saucer

2009-04-18T02:31:00.004+08:00

Guys.

Know that we really appreciate it when you take the time to do the little things for us.

Like washing the cups and saucers just now. =)

Such a nice gesture from our true gentlemen.

And we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

^_^

Tag Mujahidah

2009-04-17T15:58:00.004+08:00

1) Apakah nama blog anda sekarang dan kenapa anda memilih nama itu?
LIFE IS A BLESSING INDEED. It somehow came up after I watched a Japanese drama: A Liter of Tears, almost 2 years ago… because then I was in deep misery, and the drama had made me realised how precious this life is (albeit all the crying), and how little my anguish was compared to Aya, and how much blessings had been bestowed by my Lord onto me. Being alive, breathing and healthy is precious in itself.

2) Apakah link blog anda sekarang dan bagaimana boleh timbul idea untuk menamakannya seperti itu?
http://ddyana.blogspot.com – dulu sewaktu di pre-science, bila saya ketuk pintu bilik dan orang di dalam (selalunya Azura) bertanya siapa, saya selalu jawab: “ddyana”. Because some people call me didi, tapi saya nak jugak ada my true name… diyana. So gabunglah.

3) Apakah method penulisan dalam blog anda?
Saya sendiri tak pasti. Tapi blog ini merakam sebahagian pengalaman hidup saya. Bila saya baca kembali, saya akan ingat semula apa yang saya fikir dan rasa saat itu. Sort of a diary, I think.
4) Pernah terasa nak hapuskan blog anda?
Pernah. Pernah. Pernah. Tapi saya sayang…

5) Apakah pendapat anda mengenai blog kepada pemilik blog yang TAG anda ini?
Blog dia yang baru… tidak meninggalkan kenangan lama namun dipenuhi juga dengan kehidupan baru. Lebih segar dari dulu, lebih cerah dan ceria…

6) Senaraikan 5 orang yang akan anda TAG
Izzah
'Ain
'Alyaa
Lily
AmalJihad

Self reminder

2009-04-16T17:51:00.004+08:00

Narrated 'Abdullah bin Mas'ud:
The Prophet said, "Do not wish to be like anyone except in two cases. (The first is) A person, whom Allah has given wealth and he spends it righteously; (the second is) the one whom Allah has given wisdom (the Holy Qur'an) and he acts according to it and teaches it to others." (Fateh-al-Bari page 177 Vol. 1)

Salam ‘alaik…

You know, sometimes, just sometimes, when you see how other people lead their lives you had perhaps, want to switch places? Some are much more organized then you are. Some are more intelligent, perhaps? Know how to manage their time well and focus on what is more important in lives. And some people have already achieved so much in such a young age.

But then you are reminded by this narration. A good reminder it certainly is.

Whatever it is that Allah has put you in, it must be right for you. Somehow, someway, you’ll get through. Syukur lillah.

So from today on, we should not be jealous of what little other people have over ourselves; except to make them our role models and try our best to follow in their steps, won’t we?

Dear rebellious heart, do lie low today. This person wants not any egoistic part of you. Wish only to be a good servant of the Almighty, and do everything for His sake alone...

She wishes to accept what has been given to her with ever welcoming hands, and carry out each and every obligations that has been placed upon her shoulder with responsibility and diligence.

And she wishes happiness and well being for those close and dear to her at heart.

Let's face the world with courage and bright smiles. Biiznillah, we'll get through pretty well, I'm sure.

^_^

Saya kena tag

2009-04-15T23:34:00.007+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

Tag ni dibuat jugak (when I'm supposed to do my assignment >.<) kerana menghargai seorang teman bernama Azam. One of the best partner that I've worked with.

Upload satu gambar yang anda suka.

One picture that I love...
Kenapa suka gambar ni?
Ada banyak gambar yang saya suka... especially of the babies in the family. This one is chosen because I rarely get to see this sweetheart of mine. and I miss him a lot.

Bila kali terakhir makan pizza?
Oh long long time ago. Sekarang dah boikot pizza hut dan yang sewaktu dengannya.
So tunggu la until saya pandai buat pizza sendiri. tak pun tunggu gadis merah jambu buatkan, boleh?

Lagu terakhir yang anda dengar?
Sahabat. ada orang tolong downloadkan dari emel. Tak tahu siapa yang nyanyi...

Apa yang anda buat selain selesaikan tag ni?
Dengar kak hasbi dan bulan berbicara. Buku Admin ada kat sebelah untuk ditatap sekali sekala. (konon study la..)

Selain nama sendiri anda suka dipanggil dengan nama apa?
Sangat suka dipanggil dengan nama sendiri. dan "kakak".

Tag lagi lima (5) orang. Soalan seterusnya adalah kaitan dengan orang yang anda tag.

Mawar Putih
Rabiatul Adawiyah
Nurmentari
Syamil Bunyamin
Mademoiselle Sakura

No. 1 pada anda?
Jauh di mata, dekat di hati. Exhousemate yang sangat dirindui.

Orang No. 3 ada hubungan dengan siapa?
Dengan suaminya? =) She’s married and I hope to see her happy till the end of life. Tak kirala sham bermadu ke tak. =p

Sesuatu mengenai No. 5
Kawan sekolah menengah since tingkatan 2… My sahabat dunia akhirat.

Orang No-4…
Oh yang ini? Bakal pimpinan negara di masa hadapan, kan? InsyaAllah.
(terpilih di sini sebab namanya sama seperti budak comel di gambar atas ^_^)

Siapakah No. 2?
Adikku, yang menjadi pembantu setia selalu. Insan yang banyak diuji semester ni.. semoga terus tabah syg.

Kalau ada masa, buatla ye. Tak paksa pun. =)

Okay. balik semula berlakon study. kalau tak nanti kena marah. or kena leter lagi.=p

Ilalliqa'

Fatrah Imtihan

2009-04-14T16:44:00.004+08:00

Selamat menempuh musim peperiksaan sahabat!

This beauty...

2009-04-13T14:33:00.005+08:00

Oh my gosh
How much cuter can she get?
She knows how to smile and laugh and makes a lot of noises. She doesn't want to be ignored, she'll look at you and talk to you in her own language until you take notice of her.

She didn't even want to sleep!

huhu. and i cannot study with such a beauty and cutie for company. and the internet. and tv. and ym.

oh my my...

>.<

We ladies like to fly, as said abang long...

2009-04-12T15:55:00.003+08:00

Ah, poor dear sisters…

One after another, we faced accidents…

Bulan was the first to fall down a motorcycle this semester I think. Followed by Ateh, whose accident got more publicity in our little community, because she was badly injured at her chin. Got few stitches and had to rest for days.

But they were both tough ladies. Both started to ride again as soon as they feel better. Not even completely okay yet, I think. (The first time I fall my motorcycle, I stopped riding completely [for months] until I was desperate when I arrived at Shah Alam.)

Few days ago, I don’t know exactly when, Anjang and then Ucu had an accident.

And today, it was Ayong.

It was raining heavily this afternoon. We received her message of not being able to start the motorcycle engine while we had our lunch. We suggested some names of people she can asked help from. Half an hour later she arrived home and I found them forming a circle around her at the bathroom’s door. I asked what happened, and got the answer by looking at Ayong. They were obviously checking her body to see if there was any injury.

Alhamdulillah, except for some bruises at the back of her hands, she seemed perfectly all right.

Unfotunately, Andak’s motorcycle wasn’t so lucky. Seems to be needing repairs and we were all kind of broke at this time of the year. And take note that Andak needs to save for her short course. Ah, poor us. Broke people in this time of recession.

But I guess it is Allah’s way of showing us how He loves us. At least we know that we’re in this together. No matter what happens, we still got each other.

Anyway, experience is a great teacher. I hope we will all be more careful today onwards.

Pray for us, will you not?

Ilalliqa’…

Sad

2009-04-12T14:01:00.005+08:00

[shah alam people, please don't read this.]

Salam 'alaik..

Hi everyone. It's Sunday.

I don't want to celebrate a Sunday so I'm not going to say "happy Sunday".

Besides, it's not really a happy day. I am officially a sad sad person. I wanted to go back to my sister's house, but nobody loves me enough to take the trouble to pick me up. Not unless they need me, I guess.

So I'm left to stay at Sumayyah. I love this place, of course. And my Sumayyah sisters were very kind and took me out yesterday. Perhaps they saw how "terkurung" I was, since I refused to go out all day because I was waiting for my siblings to come pick me up. But then, you know, nobody comes.

It was very sad. I might as well has no sibling at all.

bye.

simple things can make me laugh and happy. simple things can hurt and make me cry. so what?

this is rants.period.

2009-04-10T17:14:00.003+08:00

I wonder why this always happens to me. I had all the time in the world to prepare a good, well-thought-of speech but I don’t even know where all those times fly away. My mind would be blank until the very very last minutes (like another five minutes before the presentation session start). And then even when I got my speech ready I would still be wondering whether it was ok. Whether I got everything correct and accordingly as required by the lecturer.

Oh. You have no idea how stressful my language subjects are for this semester.

First there is the third language course (Arabic for me, Mandarin, Japanese, Korean, and French for the rest of the universe). We had to do a drama and send them in vcd. 15 minutes of Arabic speaking drama. The works involved finding what topic should we choose then how many scenes and where the scenes should be taken. And that involved several meetings for brainstorming, hours of not having any idea, of wasting time listening to songs instead of making any script. Then come the technical matters: where to find a video camera? Would digital camera suffice? How to compile all those scenes? What happens if the scenes do not last long enough to 15 minutes? Oh the picture were blurred we cannot see our faces. And the sounds were bad. Would the lecturers be able to hear clearly what we’ve recorded?

And dear readers, where do you think we find the time to do all of the above? We were already burdened with so much coursework to do for 5 other main subjects. Land Law, Criminal Law, Administrative Law, Equity & Trust and Sales of Goods and Hire Purchase. Each has got its own presentations, tests, quizzes, and tons and tons of cases to be read. I totally neglect my administrative law, for your information. Not understanding any bit of it. And haven’t yet done any of the assignments. Lucky that the lecturer extends the due date to next week. My STUDY WEEK (FINAL DATANG LAGI!!!)

And you know what? Arabic also requires a five minutes creative presentation in class. Yes, only five minutes. But to prepare for those five minutes we took hours. Everybody has classes. Everybody has tests. We were all from different groups. Our timetables were different. But Alhamdulillah we managed to do that. Yes, not so perfect. But it’s done. Yesterday. Submitted the vcd and the script and already presented the medley songs. Alhamdulillah.

BEL. Yes, English language. My favouritest of all subjects. Has always been so since I was a very little girl. This semester however, BEL equal to stress. The presentations: there are two. The usual, really. And I can’t really figure out how it becomes so stressful to me. I love to write, don’t I? Writing speeches should be fun. But no. I don’t have any idea what to present about. Even when I got the main topic already: THE RECESSION. I don’t know what to talk about. Which aspect of recession should it be? The effect? NO. That’s boring – my lecturer has more or less impliedly told me that by yawning when I was presenting my speech outline to him. So I had to redo everything. And just this morning, this very morning at 9 did I decide that I’m going to talk on frugal living as a way to survive the recession. The problem? I don’t really understand frugal living. Searched the internet (just being told my Madam Habibah that it is not a reliable source of information) and then jumbled everything up to form a speech. Done by 11:30. Then had to redo my outline. And then had to improvise my power point presentation. And had not yet printed out the speech and the outline that I was required to submit to Dr Ramesh.

Went out of the house at 12:20. The presentation was supposed to start at 12:30. All printing shops at Section 7 were closed. I forgot it’s Friday. People went to Solat Jumaat on Friday afternoon. And oh God, my fuel tank was empty. Had to stop at Shell to refill. Then went to Section 2 to print, where there was Chinese operated printing shop. Arrived at school at 1 pm. Mind you, I was 30 minutes late.

Then come the problem of stage fright and nervousness. Calm down Didi, it’s not as if you have never done that. You’ve been an emcee so often during your JPK days. You’ve given out speeches in front of the whole hall to 1000-2000 people and not nervous. Why is it everytime it is a simple presentation in class, you had to be so frighten? It’s mind boggling to me, really.

I was the last to present. And as usual it was bad. My words were cluttered et cetera et cetera. I figured out that I kind of failed to deliver the points to my audiences as I should. I figured if Dr. Ramesh was to give out comments like last time, mind would me that it was as if I was talking about stress in a stressful way.

But oh God Alhamdulillah messy as it was, I’m done with BEL.
No Final paper for BEL and Arabic. Maybe they should bring back the Final for third language. Life would be 30 percent simpler.

I think I should go home now. Tomorrow comes rain or shine I’m going back to my sister’s house. I want to hug Ihsan and kiss Aisyah. We’re lucky that we have these small things in life that we can really enjoy. At least I have my family: my life charger.

p.s: Ina, please tell mama I’ve bought the fan already. It cost me RM 80. And I’m happy.

Untuk Mama...

2009-04-05T10:26:00.007+08:00

RESTU
Hazami

Sebalik raut senyuman
Terungkai sejuta sayu
Renungan redupmu

Kau ibarat lilin bercahya
Kau berkorban demi sejahtera

Dalam dakapan
Walau kau berkali terhiris
Kau payungi jua bawa ku ke syurga

*chorus:
Mama biarku kucup jemarimu
Mama hanya doamu kan jadi azimat
Lindungi langkahku menggamit impian
Restumu kan menjadi kekuatan

Ku bagai hilang ke dasar
Ketika itu kau titiskan air mata
Walau kau berkali terhiris
Kau payungi jua
Bawa ku ke syurga

Biarlah ku terbang tinggi mencapai citaku
Di bawah langit restu
Lindungi langkahku menggamit impian
Restumu kan menjadi kekuatan

download

P/S:

Ina, download this song and tell mama i want her to listen to this, okay?
then, transfer to her phone and make it as the ring tone.

Miss u guys A LOT.

p.p.s: thanks to andak@yuyun for introducing this song to me!
i'm really am not the most sentimental one in the house, you know. there's still yun and ucu (who cries listening to this).

Princess

2009-03-17T21:30:00.006+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

Posting to show off my beautiful sweetheart.. Rahifah&Hijaz's baby, to be precise. I mentioned her birth somewhere here.

nama saya aisyah

suke senyum sebab saya tahu saya comel

berguling-guling gaya bebasku =)

Cute isn't she?Miss her so much.

Dear diary...

2009-03-06T23:55:00.007+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

Lamanya tak menulis on normal mood. Tak reti dah nak mula macamane.

Today.

Hari ini saya ke Dewan Annex menolong (teman je sebenarnya) kakak menjaga gerai. Kebetulan mesyuarat agung Pewani diadakan kat situ dan kakak has taken that opportunity to test market for muslimah t-shirt which was made in Indonesia. Somewhat funky and cute and sweet. Really nice, those t-shirts.

One.
I had not expected to enjoy selling t-shirts. Coz I’m known (hohoho) to be very shy when facing customers, somewhat speechless, actually. I only know how to smile like a silly person. I guess I don’t possess the skill to be a good entrepreneur.

But today’s experience has taught me that it was not that hard. The responses were good. And this resulted in this new dream of mine.

I think I want to open up a boutique. =)

Coz you know, it’s very hard for me to shop for clothes. Yang cantik and murah and truly sopan and menutup aurat, and yang saya berkenan – are hard to find.

So since I could remember caring for what I’m wearing, I’ve always thought about designing my own dress/blouse, and finding my own cloths and materials for my attire (especially for my black and white suit). But I cannot, unfortunately, sew them on my own. I know not how. *sigh*

But I could still ask others to sew right? So I could still proceed with this dream kan kan kan?

But let’s put this issue on the shelf for now. My father would surely tell me off for dreaming of this while I’m supposed to be studying to become a lawyer. =p

Two.
Since it was Pewani’s event, I should have expected to see some people that I knew from my Jengka days. But it totally slipped off my mind. So I was very excited when I saw kak syam. She used to work in Pejabat Timbalan Pendaftar in Jengka and now working here in Shah Alam. And I also met another familiar face, kak afzan from unit sukan. I mentioned her here once, a long time ago. And Puan Azah the counselor, whom we worked with for our Bakti Siswa.

And I also met another important person. Whom I did not immediately recognized. But then she told me:

“Saya rase saye kenallah kamu ni… ada tak kamu masuk kelas dengan Puan Zakiyah (her own name)”

And then I remember.

Puan Hajjah Zakiyah, my math lecturer who has got me through my Calculus III, the one which I was practically helpless with. Of course I remember her, I even remember her tones of speaking (because I like them), and I remember going to her classes kat bawah auditorium. Remember how she pulled us back to attention by telling her various interesting stories when we seemed to have dozed off or our mind had flown away…

She was such a good lecturer. I should have recognized her the instant I saw her.

Three.
But you see, me in Jengka was so different from this 'me' in Shah Alam.

I was so much closer with the staff but hardly ever had a personal chat with my own lecturer. I could share jokes and stories and discussed so many things with the staffs but I was a quite.silent.mute student in class.

My focus was not on my learning, but on all those students’ activities that we had conducted. My life was not like the normal students who worries about tests and quizzes and assignments, but I was one of those who worries about event proposals, list of guests, vips, program’s tentative, protocols, tea after the events, students’ formal attire and lots and lots of meetings and post-mortems. It was all very good and valuable experiences and all but still… I’ve got my aulawiyat wrong, don’t you think? I was too much in love with my work then.

Now you know how I ended up not being able to cope with science subjects.

Anyway, I was sort of reprimanded by the wife of the (not-so) new pengarah kampus (pahang’s), whom I’ d just been introduced to, for not recognizing my own lecturer. I was so ashamed of myself. =(

Promise I’ll never be like that again.

Four.
But overall today was quite a productive day I think. For I had used my time for helping people, got to meet familiar faces from Jengka (I miss Jengka so very much) and spent some time studying Criminal Law in the afternoon, then came back home to deal with the rest of t-shirts to be returned to the dealer, cooked tomyam for dinner, did some editing for some writings, and then I got myself to write all this. =)

I think I may stop now. Sweet dreams everyone.

Ilalliqa’

My heart aches

2009-02-23T13:53:00.004+08:00

Today at 1030 I had a test. The first test for land law.

Naturally, when you have a test to prepare for, you stayed up really late into the night, trying to absorb everything. Or else you wake up at three in the morning, and study.

Today I did neither. I took my medicine and slept without studying. And then in the morning, I had a lie in after Subuh, something that I had gotten rid of early this semester.

Everybody in Sumayyah tried to wake me up, I know. Because to every wakeup call I answered with an ‘hmm’, which in my sleeping dictionary means ‘yes I’m waking up’. But I only really woke up at 815 or something. When most of them went to school already…

Because I had another dream today.

I was in a house that in my dream was home. But the house was different from our house in Terengganu. More like rumah Johor at jalan kemaman but a double storey one. Syairah was there, wearing a tudung as she usually does. Smarter than usual though, because I didn’t have the urge to betulkan her tudung like I used to do so many times in the past.

I got to hug her again. I got to feel the warmth of her body in my arms. The comfortable feeling that I get every time I hold her, because compared to the skinny me, Syairah was chubby. She loved hugging people. Syairah was always so full of love.

She hasn’t gone yet; she was still there with us…

I didn’t want to wake up. I was so afraid that if I woke up she would not be there anymore.

But of course my sister isn’t here... She’s gone forever.

I guess it’s still hard for me to accept that fact…

I missed her every single day. Even when I am not the one who was closest to her in her life, I still miss her so much.

There were so many things that I had neglect to do for her. There were times that I scolded her. The times when I let her be when she was angry and sulking with us. And that one time when I didn’t bring her with me visiting my friends during hari raya... I’ll never have that chance again.

I know I’m not supposed to regret. I know. But I just miss her… I miss syairah.

Rantings

2009-02-11T04:16:00.001+08:00

I guess I am an emotional person.

Most of the time, I keep things to myself, and to only those closest to me. One day I would just let those negative feelings go: by having a good cry on someone’s comfortable shoulder. or pillow.
I did that last semester. And I survived. Life goes on.

This semester however, was different. I wasn’t allowed to keep my feelings to myself. I was called into an ADR session. I think of it as such: ADR, which stands for ‘alternative dispute resolution’.

When I arrived there, I had thought about keeping mum. What if I just refused to say a word? What if my stubbornness gets the better of me and I just went home without attending? Why need other people to interfere anyway? I was only taking time to cool down as it was.

But then when they let me have my say, everything stumbled out. All the bottled up feelings that I never thought I would ever say aloud. My words were harsh. I feel that I’ve been cruel. Inconsiderate. Unkind. Unsympathetic. Oh god how have I come to be this kind of person…. It must’ve hurt a lot. And I’m so sorry. I so regret losing control of this laser-made tongue of mine…

I owe you an apology. From the bottom of my heart. I’m sorry.

P.S: I’m supposed to prepare a slide show for tomorrow’s presentation. But my mind is not really working well. Been feeling unwell and having headaches all week. Hope it’ll go away soon… do pray for me.

P.P.S: For some reason, today I thank Allah for showing me to this path that I’m treading. Even with all the pain that I had suffered when I let go, it was more than worth it. Alhamdulillah.

P.P.P.S: Did you guys realize that our akh luqmanul hakim alias got married on the 7th? I had no idea at all until I came across his friendster page. Anyway,congratulations luqman. May you be blessed with happiness till the end of your life…

=(

2009-02-02T12:41:00.001+08:00

Dear diary,

I hate presentation...

Doakan dia...

2009-01-29T12:58:00.004+08:00

Hati ini sangat terusik bila mendengar perkhabaran begini... Degupannya jadi kencang, tak tersedar air mata pun bergenang.

Pohon sahabat-sahabat doakan, dengan solat hajat dan bacaan yaasin, buat ukhti Rohana Othman, UiTM Segamat, yang kini berada di Unit Rawatan Rapi Hospital Kuantan...
moga dia disembuhkan, moga panjang umurnya untuk terus berjuang....

Denggi Berdarah.....

Like duh..

2009-01-21T09:28:00.003+08:00

It is indeed very seldom that you'll see me coming to class early.

But today I did.

I went out of the house as early as 745. Went to Seksyen 17 to take my bike and arrived at school at about 815.

But alas!

I GOT INTO THE WRONG CLASS!

So I went to the library to access the icress to check if I had made a mistake. The computer lab opened at 9, so I had to wait another half an hour. and of course I made a mistake because my class was at AL 528 and NOT AL 529!

Tapi kelas sebelah jeeee... all I have to do was pergi skodeng next door to check whether I know any of them! I would find some familiar faces even though I don't really know my classmates yet because all my other subjects are with the D class. I remember saving one classmate's phone number, but I can't remember her name. silly silly dyana!

How clumsy can a person be anyway?

Kay, I'll go now. better do something useful now that I got time. like preparing the speech "What I Want to Change in UiTM" for BEL.. mind you, public speaking... i so hate that.

Ilalliqa'.

Happy 35th Anniversary!

2008-12-24T22:22:00.004+08:00

23 December 1973

Syairah... I love you

2008-12-12T18:16:00.004+08:00

AL FATIHAH,
untuk adinda yang amat amat kami cintai...
Nur Syairah binti Sulong
yang telah kembali ke rahmatullah pada 6 Disember lepas, denggi berdarah...

sangat-sangat terasa ketiadaan dia...
namun kami tahu tempatnya pasti di syurga..
kerana dia insan istimewa...

2008-11-03T18:09:00.003+08:00

I had just come home.
The door was locked.. my salaam went unanswered.
Every room was unoccupied...
Nobody’s home but me.
The house was empty,
and it’s lonely.

I guess I’m too used to having people greet me when I opened the door.
I guess I had come to love the sound of their laughters and rants a little bit too much.
I wonder how would it be next semester…
to live without them…

I NEED TO BREATH!

2008-11-02T14:08:00.002+08:00

Hence the sudden change of layout.

You know what? I love the previous one very very much... that's why I kept it up even when it got those blue bordered square at the top.

I had just finished Contract paper this morning and the day after tomorrow is Constitutional Law... the one I dreaded most. All my final papers have only a day gap between each of them, which was really like no time to stop and breath at all... and I'm drowning. Help me!

But Didie MUST persevere!

Do pray for me....

Just Happy =)

2008-10-19T15:07:00.002+08:00

Remember when you sometimes felt so lazy to open your book and do revision... remember when you had to find reasons why you were still here when you’re already 23 and supposed to be out there in the real world doing real work like the rest (or most) of your friends... remember when studying felt so tedious and required so much effort you just want everything i.e.: the world to stop moving for a while just so you can take a deep deep breath?

Here is one reason why you got to persevere: Doing well in your studies makes you happy!

Alhamdulillah... I really don't know how else to express the happiness that I was and still am feeling this morning because it was so mixed up with fear and nervousness and every other miserable feelings I felt earlier… but at last, it all turned out to be quite well... alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah. Thank you ALLAH! For each of the single thing you blessed me… love ALLAH!

BIG UGLY SCAR and hurting all over...

2008-10-11T14:05:00.002+08:00

The result of another fall a.k.a accident?

I really shouldn’t be trusted with a motorcycle... poor my baby.

This time though, I didn’t even shed a tear. I can even laugh when I arrived home and everyone started to fuss over me, again and again saying poor me. It was really nice to know that people care about you by the way. huhu..

Though it was another way round with che lah coz when she called, she was obviously the one laughing at me. @v@

C u soon.

Ranting Session

2008-10-08T17:59:00.006+08:00

Dear diary...

Raining again! and I'm stuck at menara...

Anyway, since all the things in the 'checklist' had been done (:: solat asar-check, :: tea plus makan kek mahal tapi tak sedap sgt-check, :: study tort tp stop sbb dah ngantuk sgt-check), here I am in PTAR 1... writing because it's raining again. Such an inspiration it is... the rain I mean.

This week is kinda weird.

Came back from Terengganu at 6 in the morning on Monday, and kak za has kindly offered to pick me up (thank you kakak!) but I was not able to qada' my sleep because of those unfinished preparation for the presentations. Yup, you got it right: the-last-minute-missy, that's who I am. Got lucky since BEL presentation was postponed to next week but I was dripping wet because of the rain when I arrived for MLS in the afternoon... Alhamdulillah though, even in that state of coldness and shivering (the aircond was turned on! how could they!) we still manage to deliver the presentation, and even if madam only gave us 10/15 (the average marks - almost everybody got the same) at least we are done with that! Another check on the list, didi. =p

I had also just finished our CTU group assignment, but still got to do millions other assignments (ye ke?), and there's still that BEL presentation. Studying is, though I am convince of it being worthwhile and going to be the most enjoyable time in my life, hectic and all other words that have equal meaning with it...

What's so weird about all the above stuff, you may ask... huhu none of those is weird. the weird thing is that I started a fight with somebody and then just refused to deal with it. Refused to deal with emotion. and I know what I'm doing is wrong, but life is soo busy these days, I just can't focus yet. Give me a few more days, and I promise promise promise to contact you back okay... and I'm really really sorry for the misunderstanding... (what use is it.. wrtiting it here? dunno =p)

I think it has stopped raining, so I'm going back home... I haven't eaten lunch yet (due to the assgnmt thing) so I'm quite quite hungry at the moment. so tata! =)

I'll leave you with this raya picture. My sweetheart in his eagerness to go visiting, kat kampung...

Ilalliqa'.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

2008-09-30T21:48:00.000+08:00

Get Hari Raya Graphics Here

Mama, Mummy, Ibu, Ummi...

2008-09-24T02:17:00.004+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

Saya tak merancang untuk menulis sebenarnya... banyak kerja yang perlu diselesaikan, dan banyak perkara lain yang lebih memerlukan perhatian. Melayari internet di malam yang sunyi ini tujuan asalnya adalah untuk mencari exam paper consti tahun 2004 untuk tutorial 0830 pagi esok... namun saya terlupa, soalan 2004 tidak tersenarai dalam digital library...

Lama tidak mencoret di sini, lama sudah tak bercerita... entah kenapa, blog ini hanya tinggal jadi medan meluah rasa, saat-saat kestabilan emosi agak teruji...

Jadi, kali ini biar saya bercerita ye...

Banyak yang berlaku dalam semester ini... banyak perubahan yang ditempuhi. Taklifan baru yang lebih menguji...

Julai, Ogos, September... Oktober bakal menjelma pula... dan dalam tak sedar final exam cuma tinggal sebulan... SEBULAN! Kucar kacir rasanya pelajaran saya semester ini... Kelas petang tadi pun, kepala berdenyut bukan kepalang bila diasak pelbagai soalan Contract... Sesi Lecture masih boleh diterima, namun bila tiba waktu tutorial, dan bila diasak 6 soalan untu quiz on Performance (which she told us later was not to be counted)... huhu, saya hanya mampu membaca baris-baris Section 56(3) Contract Act tanpa dapat menyingkap ertinya... dah tak boleh nak terima =p.

Jamadil Akhir, Rejab, Syaaban, Ramadhan... Ramadhan sudah hampir ke penghujung pun. Terasa terlalu pantas masa yang berlalu... Ramadhan yang menyeronokkan sebenarnya. Faktor utama mungkin kerana berada dalam keluarga besar ini... Kami 12 beradik. Yup. Perlu banyak kesabaran dan toleransi, belajar berkongsi dan tidak mementingkan diri. Berlapang dada atas setiap sesuatu. Namun kami bahagia. Hari-hari yang kita layari bersama, bagi saya penuh bermakna.

Namun mereka sudah membilang waktu... saat perpisahan yang kian hampir, saat akan bertukarnya penghuni Sumayyah... saat saya akan kehilangan kakak-kakak yang tersayang buat kesekian kalinya... perpisahan... sesuatu yang seringkali sukar untuk saya hadapi... tak suka! =(

Inilah kehidupan.. Dalam setiap kesedihan, pasti ada kegembiraan... dan begitulah sebaliknya.

7 September 2008... tarikh yang menggembirakan, tarikh kelahiran insan baru, Nuur Aisyah Muhammad Hijaz... cahaya mata kakak saya, Rahifah... Alhamdulillah, proses kelahiran agak mudah. Saya menerima panggilan Mama dan mesej Abang Hijaz memberitahu kak Iffah masuk wad dengan tanda-tanda akan bersalin waktu tengahari... 5 petang, kak Ida pula menyampaikan berita kakak saya sudah selamat melahirkan...

Jikalau Ihsan dahulu Auntie Didi yang menyambutnya, Aisyah ini Hilmi yang terlebih dahulu berpeluang memangku... A niece at last, another addition to the princesses of Sulong’s family (yang dah memang terlebih puterinya, but we only have Ain before, now we got Aisyah too ^-^)... dan sekarang keluarga kami ada Mama, Mummy, Ibu dan Ummi...

Aisyah dilahirkan tidak cukup bulan, only 8 months into my sister's pregnancy. Tahap glucose yang rendah, dan masalah kuning, menyebabkan bayi kecil yang dilahirkan hanya seberat 2.2 kg ini ditahan di hospital biarpun Ummi dibenarkan pulang... sahabat, doakan Aisyah ye… semoga dia cepat sembuh, cepat belajar menyusu, naik berat badan, dan dibenarkan keluar hospital.

Perasaan Ummi Aisyah yang seringkali kebimbangan, saya tahu, agak mengganggu proses pemulihan seorang ibu yang baru lepas bersalin… kata Mama, waktu dalam pantang sebegini kesihatan fizikal dan emosi amat perlu dititikberatkan. Namun saya pasti bukan mudah kakak saya ini mengawal emosi bila anaknya berjauhan di NICU, sedangkan Ummi jarang dapat menemani. Tangisan kakak membimbangkan kami. Kesihatan kakak yang terjejas, demam panas dan sebagainya tambah merungsingkan.

Waktu Mama terpaksa pulang kembali ke Terengganu, saya mengambil alih tugas menemani kakak saya ini. Justeru maaf saya pinta… bilamana sagala yang lain terpaksa saya tinggalkan, dan maaf juga atas tugasan yang saya abaikan, perbincangan yang tidak dapat saya sertai, janji yang terpaksa saya mungkiri…

Buat waktu ini, keluarga adalah aulawiyat saya. Saya yakin sahabat-sahabat pasti memahami…

Hurm… dah terlalu lewat. Lain kali saya ceritakan lagi ye…

Ilalliqa’.

Monologue

2008-09-02T11:03:00.005+08:00

It was raining when I arrived at Melati, knocking at Bulan's door... I wonder what brought me there... I wasn't thinking much when I parked my motorcycle, wasn't even thinking, I guess, when I headed toward the college instead of where I was supposed to be at that moment... it’s a nature now, to seek her in moments of uncertainty, moments of depression, and of course… moments of bliss and joy. She has become my second half over these years, she, who came into my life when I most needed a friend.

It became obvious after several knocks that she was not in the room. No one was. I should’ve asked…

I headed towards the end of the corridor, standing there where I could see the rain pouring steadily… not heavy, but drop by drop, they went... It was always nice watching the rain… somewhat soothing. I was wondering what my actual feeling was… was I sad? Perhaps I was… but I really could not point out the whys.

Perhaps because I felt like a failure... And remembering the message, and considering the whole list of tasks undone… perhaps I am. It’s easy to give up, really. To let go. To stop trying. To think not of all the problems that we faced everyday…

Anyway… how do you tell people that all this time you’ve been eating inside… how to make them understand that what you want really isn’t that hard to be given without seeming like giving them a lecture…

I usually give up in times like this.

There was only one time once upon a time, with that one person, did I pursue until what needed to be done was done. When it has nothing to do with my work, when it involved personal matters, when it was my feeling that was in question, even with that person… I let it go…

and I wonder....

Ramadhan Kareem everyone... May this holy month bring us peace and serenity...

Gadis Merah Jambu

2008-08-19T17:09:00.005+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

Tangan kecil yang lembut menggenggam erat, dan suaranya yang asalnya sayup-sayup menjadi jelas di pendengaran...

"dyana bangun, nanti awak lewat..."

Mata yang berat perlahan di buka, kepala yang kebingungan mula memproses apa yang dilihat disekeliling saya... Tangan lembut tadi menggenggam lebih erat, dan sedikit menarik sehingga saya bangun dari pembaringan...

Cara si gadis merah jambu mengejutkan saya...

Subuh hari itu.. entah kenapa, hati saya berbunga... terasa indahnya punya sahabat seperti dia. Terasa bahagia punya mereka-mereka yang selalu disisi... memahami, mengingati, dan memaafi...

Tuhan, terima kasih...

p/s: In case you're wondering if I would ever give comments on the photos I posted below... well, don't put too much hope on it... perhaps I would never give any. =p

Ilalliqa'...

Pelajar UiTM Turun Demonstrasi.. Oppss silap: Perhimpunan Aman

2008-08-12T13:37:00.005+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

A major event was held today by the student of UiTM.. which really is, you know: RARE. It's like a history being made, really. Let's see the pictures first, ok?

Okay, I've got class, so I must go...

Nanti kita cerita lagi ye.

Ilalliqa'

;-)

Ink and paper...

2008-08-11T11:06:00.003+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

The problem about being a perfectionist is, you feel the need to redo the whole thing again if you find that what you’ve done so far is not up to the standard.

Or at least that is how I’m always feeling. And that is what I’m feeling right now.

Oh what a waste of time… the whole night spent on thinking and typing away, and taking coffee just so as not to sleep just yet… alas, the work done is, in my point of view: terabur! (This was, of course, a reflection of the state of your mind at 2 o’clock in the morning.)

At least I had sense enough not to rewrite every answer in my exam, haven’t I? Wonder if I would ever be able to submit the answers in the end of exam...

To post or not to post… I wonder…

~ tata!

Parking

2008-07-25T08:44:00.005+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

Yesterday when I was parking my motorcycle at Cempaka 3, there was this one woman who called to me:

she: You parking moto kat situ nanti kereta dekan boleh masuk parking tak?
me: apedia? (she was quite a distance away, not too far though)
she: (repeating her question)
me: (earnestly believing I wasn't doing anything wrong) oh, boleh.
she: you sure?
Me: a'a
she: okay, nanti kalau you tengok moto you terbalik kat bawah bukit tu you jangan nak salahkan sape2 ye!
me: (*ha? like duh, it's only a motorcycle, not taking that much space, is it?*)

Okay, so I am still new here, but I've spent a semester parking my motorcycle at that exact spot and had not given trouble to any other people. and considering (after I came back from class at 1030am) how many other motorcycles parked next to me and 3 cars blocking my way out behind me (no dean’s car was to be seen anywhere), I don't see that I was doing anything wrong at all. That place has been established as a parking spot by us all for ages. No sign whatsoever saying "No Parking".

Reason: we don't have any other space close enough to park our vehicle. I wasn't even mad at the red kancil car (with a staff sticker, btw) which is parked really close behind my honey, that I had to use all the creativity I possessed in order to get out of there. I guess all other cars he blocked would be quite heated, though. But then, the kancil itself was blocked by 2 other cars behind it. *what am I babbling about? =p*

Anyway, are all students expected to walk up and down the hill now?

It is a well-known fact to everyone here that we lack adequate parking spaces in UiTM. Or perhaps at those blocks: cempaka, kenanga, business and law faculty. Our lecturers always complain about that. And now that the office of Law Faculty is transferred to Cempaka 3, more and more spaces are needed for the staff too right? So if we are to solve the problem of unsystematic parking, provide a better spot for us.

It's like the squatter problems, if you want them to move out, provide a better accommodation for them.

Sorry for ranting so much. [baru accident mulut dah start jadi murai balik =p]

Ilalliqa’.

Mimpi...

2008-07-23T12:04:00.002+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

I woke up at usual time today though I slept much earlier than I usually did last night... Terjaga seperti biasa, dalam keadaan lebih segar dari selalu... Namun kerana ikutkan perasaan malas, tertidur juga kembali setelah sesi bacaan mathurat dengan ahli rumah yang lain... Orang kata bila tidur selepas subuh, banyak mudharatnya... contohnya saya kali ini, didatangi mimpi tentang seorang insan yang telah lama tidak mendengar khabar berita. Mimpi yang pelik, menggusarkan dan sedikit menakutkan…

Saya terjaga kembali dalam keadaan kepala yang berat dan kepeningan, dan hati yang tidak lagi tenang. Teringat-ingat tentang insan saya yang saya mimpikan tadi… sihatkah dia? Bagaimana keadaan dia sekarang? Entah mengapa saya dilanda bimbang tentang dia. Sudah lebih setahun tak mendengar berita. Namun terlalu banyak yang berlaku antara saya dan dia yang tidak memungkinkan saya menghubunginya sendiri. Waktu sedang menggosok pakaian, mimpi tadi masih terbayang-bayang. Saya berlengah-lengah sehingga tidak sedar masa yang berlalu pantas. Waktu saya meninggalkan rumah, jam sudah menunjukkan 8.25, saya cuma ada 5 minit lagi untuk ke kelas…

Mungkin kerana hati yang kegusaran itu, atau kerana bimbang akan kelewatan, atau memang saya yang cuai dalam pemanduan, akhirnya saya yang kemalangan… Mujur sahabat mudah dihubungi, mudah juga untuk saya meminta pertolongan. Jazakallahu khairan kathira buat sahabat yang datang mengambil saya di pusat kesihatan, dan sahabat-sahabat lain yang bimbangkan saya...

Huhs.. saya perlu ingatkan diri agar lebih berhati-hati.

Huhs...

2008-07-22T00:06:00.002+08:00

Salam..
Saya bukan tidak ingin meng'update' blog ini, namun satu artikel yang panjang lebar yang baru saya tuliskan tadi telah ter'hilang' dengan sendirinya, langsung tidak saya sengajakan. Saya tak punya waktu untuk menulis sekali lagi. Justeru, maaf ye, kalau ada yang menziarah namun sering saja disajikan dengan artikel yang sudah usang... Moga ada kesempatan untuk mencoret lagi, dalam kesibukan hari-hari berjuang mencari ilmu dan redha Ilahi...
sahabat, doakan.

Salam sayang,
wa ilalliqa'.

.......

2008-06-22T11:26:00.004+08:00

This place that I'm sitting right now.. is a very discomforting one. i wonder why I stay instead of just go back after i've done what I came here to do. The music is soo loud, and it's the kind of old Melayu jiwang, which somehow i can't stand right now.

I, who love children, is now very irritated by them. This place seems full of them, shouting at each other between PC, shrieking laughter and swearing words when something displease them, or perhaps just out of habit. I guess these children are playing some sort of online games... that's what they do these days, isn't it? We used to go to a field on our bicycles or play kites or main sembunyi sembunyi but today's children are sitting in cyber cafe, making lots of noise, wasting time. what a boring life.

This picture, this is how I feel right now. Nothing is going right. Feel like i have a heavy stone on my shoulder.

I am miserable.

2008-06-11T10:40:00.006+08:00

Salam..

I wonder if anyone from Faculty of Law UiTM would be willing to contribute to us... It's holiday after all, lots of time to write, isn't it? Please spread this around. Thank you!

Love Story

2008-05-09T22:44:00.006+08:00

Salam..
I'm just posting last few rants. We've finished exam.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

I screwed up my MLS paper, so I’m not going to read or talk anything legal, constitutional or political for a while… I am that worried I can’t even read the newspapers anymore, coz there are lots of things legal and it’s tormenting my heart. Even my dreams are full of the misery of not being able to answer that paper… I am in total agony! =(

Monday, 5th May 2008

Last night I went into ‘my library’ folder and started to delete one of the novels (virtual), just so that I wouldn’t be tempted to read it again and waste the time that I was supposed to spend studying. Among the novels in there are Shopaholic & Baby by Sophie Kinsella, a folder of Micheal Crichton novels, Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows and this one novel that I’ve never read before: Love Story by Erich Segal.

I first heard of this novel in a Hindi movie: “Mujhi Doste Karege?” (sorry if the spelling is wrong) which means something like, Would You be My Friend? [if I’m not mistaken]. The movie was one of my favorite. I’m not a die-hard fan of Hindi movies, but my sister is (or used to be), and my mother loves old films (professor, bobby, etc) and so, I did watch some and knew of more than a few.

and: The mention of any novel in any films (and writings too) will always catch my attention.

I came across this novel somewhere in the internet, or perhaps one of Nor’s downloaded items (e-snips’ stuff) in the home PC, and saved it in this laptop to be read in the future, one which I had forgotten until last night. But when I opened the file in Adobe Reader and read a few lines, I quickly became immersed and absorbed (just can’t trust myself not to read a good novel, not even during exams!).

It didn’t take me long to finish the whole thing. It isn’t that long. I read a bit before my dinner date with Bulan and resumed my reading at 10 something and finished at 12.

And I cried.

It’s a story written in a very ‘devil may care’ style: simple, yet it is a love story and the ending is sad and heart wrenching! It is not a story without substance the way most romance novels are written.

I can’t find word enough to describe it.

It touches on relationship between father and son, how both of them are too proud to admit that they just love each other.

It tells about a couple who do not hesitate to marry and sacrifice whatever it takes in order to be together.

It’s a story about struggling through your education and trying to make end-meets by changing your lifestyles for the one you love.

It’s a tale of being strong despite knowing that you’ll lose that person in the end.

It shows you that whatever goes wrong between you and your parents, they are the ones who would always be there for you, no matter what. Theirs are unconditional love.

And no matter how much you don’t want to believe, there is a Supreme Power Up There (to use the writer’s word) who is running the show, for all of us. We are nothing, powerless, helpless without His Mercy…

and I love what she said…

“Love means not ever have to say that you’re sorry.”

Till we meet again, then.

Illalliqa’.

p/s: I end up deleting only that one novel: Romancing Mr. Bridgerton, Julia Quinn, which I have read about a thousand times already. =p huhu.

Perpisahan kedua...

2008-05-01T17:58:00.002+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

Biarpun saya telah pernah berpisah dengan dia dahulu, perpisahan kali kedua ini tetap membuatkan saya sedih.. uhuk uhuk. Dulupun dia grad lebih dahulu dari saya... this time, even sebelum saya masuk sini pun dia dah grad... cumanya, kali ini dia menjadi kakak kami... tapi dulu pun dia pernah jadi kakak saya juga... Berbelit-belit, mesti tak paham kan dyana melalut ape? maaf2.. Tapi kami baru je hantar kak sue di bus stop [bus stop je tau, bukan stesen =p], lusa dia akan pulang ke Kelantan untuk memulakan kerjaya baru... ilalliqa' kak sue. We'll miss you, for sure. Sayang kak sue!

Teringat saya kepada seorang kakak lain yang membawa saya ke jalan ini dulu. Orangnya kecil macam kak sue yang comel itu juga, dan sangat2 manis. Insan yang jasanya akan saya kenang sampai ke akhir hayat, dan mungkin tak terbalas selamanya... minggu lepas baru saya berpeluang bertemu kembali dengan dia, setelah bertahun-tahun terpisah. Pesan dia dulu, kalau ingin membalas jasa, adakanlah pertemuan-pertemuan sepertimana yang diadakannya untuk kami.. bertemu kerana Allah, dalam usaha mengingati Allah, demi mencari kekuatan dari Allah, untuk secebis ilmu Allah sebagai bekalan berjuang di jalan Allah... waktu itu saya di bahagian 2 kalau tak silap...

Nasihat ini, tidak dapat saya laksanakan sehingga saya sudah berada di bahagian 5 diploma... mungkin kerana tugasan JPK terlalu mendominasi fikiran dan hidup saya, mungkin juga kerana saya masih belum punya keyakinan sebelum itu... alasan kan? Apepun, waktu itu baru saya tahu betapa sukarnya berada di tempat seorang 'kakak'. Bermain hati perasaaan juga, macam orang bercinta... huhu.

Hari ini kami bertemu untuk kali terakhir, bertukar warkah cinta. Janji kami, 12 malam ini baru masing-masing boleh membacanya... Perpisahan untuk semester ini, belum tahu lagi bila akan bertemu kembali... entah bertemu entah tidak kan?

Oh ye, malam ini salah seorang akhawat SHAMS akan menempuh alam baru... Emiliana Rose Jusoh... tahniah miey. Selamat Pengantin Baru. Sayu rasanya tak dapat melihat emi bertukar status. Saya masih di medan perjuangan menempuh peperiksaan akhir ini. Emi ini di asrama dulu 'ibu' kami semua. Kapten Aspuri. sangat penyayang, sangat mengambil berat. semua orang mengenali Emi. Waktu mula-mula saya menjejakkan kaki ke universiti dulu, emi jugalah tempat melepas perasaan bila berada dalam ujian.. maklumlah, cultural shock bila masuk UiTM =p.

Berseorangan dan berangan-angan di sunyi pagi tadi, terngiang-ngiang alunan nasyid Selamat Berjuang, terkenang waktu masih bergelar pelajar sekolah tercinta, SMKA Sheikh Abdul Malek... teringat kita pernah berada dalam halaqah, di malam yang tenang, berpegangan tangan mengalunkan zikir dan bait-bait lagu tentang ukhuwah dan perjuangan...

Malam Siang Berlalu
Gerhana Kesayuan
Tiada Berkesudahan
Detik Masa Berlalu
Tiada Berhenti
Oh Syahdunya

Sejenak Kuterkenang
Hakikat Perjuangan
Penuh Onak Dan Cabaran
Bersama Teman-Teman
Harungi Kehidupan
Oh Indahnya

Berat Rasanya Di Dalam Jiwa
Untuk Melangkah Meninggalkan Semua
Kasih Dan Cinta Yang Terbina
Ia Akan Selamanya

Selamat Berjuang Sahabatku
Semoga Allah Berkatimu
Kenangan Indah Bersamamu
Takkan Ku Biar Ia Berlalu

Berjuanglah Hingga Ke Akhirnya
Dan Ingatlah Semua Ikrar Kita

Hati Ini Sayu Mengenangkan
Sengsara Di Dalam Perjuangan
Jiwa Ku Merana Dan Meronta
Mengharapkan
Kedamaian Dan Jua Ketenangan

Tetapi Ku Akur Pada Hakikat
Suka Dan Duka Dalam Perjuangan
Perlu Ketabahan Dan Kekuatan
Keteguhan Hati Berlandaskan Iman..

Lagu: Selamat Berjuang

Artis: Brothers

Ilalliqa'.

p/s: Nono yang busyuk, dah la tu main computer dan tengok TV! Tahniah nor... I'm really proud to have a sister like you. ^_^

End of Consti I

2008-04-27T18:53:00.002+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

So I like writing... I’ve been telling that to people often enough. But writing almost non stop for three hours? A torment, I say.

Penatnye…

Tapi suka. Sebab sir ada kat situ, and rasa lebih confident bila dia ada kat situ.

Sebab rasa macam he cares whether we do it well or not... Even if I kinda mengarut-ngarut at the C part.

Thank you, sir!

Of Boredom on the Eve of Exam...

2008-04-26T20:16:00.007+08:00

Salam 'alaik,

I am bored.

Can you believe this statement from a person who has a critical Constitutional Law paper tomorrow? Well, if you don't, then take it that I am merely taking a break from studying then (as if I haven't been spending 2 hours sleeping in the afternoon =p).

It's not that I am already prepared for the paper: I am not. And I know that if I can't answer well tomorrow, I'll be blaming these moments spent in front of this monitor.

I am however, having this peculiar feeling of not being able to absorb anything anymore… so what can be more satisfying than typing away nonsense and emotions? I’ve been surfing for an hour at least, and didn’t find anything interesting much… people seemed to be too busy to update their blogs… so I checked my sister’s Friendster and found Ihsan.

Here:

Cute, isn't he? nape entah muka nak nangis... miss you much, my sweetheart.

Okay, I guess I shouldn't be wasting too much time (as if I haven't been doing exactly that!). Do pray for my consti. It's one of my fav subject, but somehow, I'm not that good at it. Same goes to Bel...

Ilalliqa'

Our Wise Prime Minister? Indeed He Is.

2008-04-19T18:54:00.002+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

I know, I know… I’m supposed to be studying! My final exam is so just around the corner, and oh yes, I can see that corner clearly. But I had the urge to write so here I am.

I don’t pretend to be wise in the internal issues in BN (though once again, they are intriguing things to be observed, or at least at first they were). And though I am somewhat aware of the situation, I still could not be fair if I am to deliver any opinion. And I confess that I am somewhat confused with all the bickering and power struggle, confused on whom I should side with (who am I to take side anyway? =p)…

Nevertheless, I do agree with the majority of the population, deal with it now or drop it and move on. It is high time indeed and people are getting fed-up.

But with everything that is going on, I have to salute Pak Lah for being wise. He came up with the solution (can I call it a solution?) for the 1988 judicial crisis. Though as he said, it is 20 years too late, I think as always, it is the gesture that is important. The best part is the fact that he acknowledged the victims of the crisis as towering judicial personalities who represented a very different era for the nation’s judiciary (to quote NST) and the decision of the government to make a good-will ex-gratia payment to them. What is more, he introduced a new chapter in the Malaysian judiciary with two reformations: a judicial appointment commission and review of judiciary’s terms and remuneration.

He was humble in his speech. And in my opinion this has always been his greatest strength: the fact that he is modest and open (or seems to be) as opposed to the very dominant personality of Mahathir. He even gave compliment to the rally held by the Bar council a few months back. Well, at least I thought it as a compliment because he used the phrase “true to form”. He received a standing ovation for his speech, and perhaps he deserved it.

Abdullah Badawi knew how to win supports in his current predicament, which is why I say he is wise. Judiciary is one field in which Mahathir failed tremendously to counter during his 22 years of rulings (he started the problem so that figures). Mahathir even claimed that lawyers hated him, which is probably true if he did oppress them once upon a time. By addressing this issue and make it the current priority of the government, Pak Lah has not only fulfilled his obligation to the people, followed the guidance from the Malay rulers, and calmed the growing disquiet of judiciary reliability, but he has also shown that he is just not Mahathir.

Though there are many reasons for the calls for Pak Lah to step down, those who wish him to descend certainly would not be without fight. For you see, whoever and whatever you think Pak Lah is, he is not stupid, and those who are backing him are not nobodies either. But sooner or later, we’ll see who’ll win in the end, won’t we?

Ilalliqa’

A little update, I guess.

2008-04-09T23:44:00.005+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

Now that I managed to steal some times out of this hectic life, I might as well leave something here. My final will start on 24th, if I'm not mistaken, so please please pray for me. Tomorrow I got 2 presentations to do, one for English and the other is on Damage for Torts. I rather think that I did really badly for Arabic presentation this afternoon... anyway, there's no use crying over spilt milk.

I miss my family, it's been sometimes since I was last home. and my younger sisters (since they're now grown ups) never bother to call me anymore! I want to let them know that their idol, that Syeikh Muzaphar or whatever his name is, was here last Sunday. Hah, Ina should be green with envy, I know =p.

And last week or so, I got the news of another ukhti of mine getting married on 2nd May. Congratulation! May you be blessed with happiness till the end of your life, dear.

kay, that's all for now.

Ilalliqa'

Hujan...

2008-03-03T15:28:00.003+08:00

Kebelakangan ni saya jarang punya waktu untuk berlama-lamaan melayari internet. Jadi, saya selalu menulis bila saja hati terasa nak berbicara, dan tangan rajin untuk menafsirkannya ke dalam tulisan... kebelakangan ini juga waktu sering sahaja mencemburui saya, terasa terlalu pantas ia berlalu, tak terkejar. Saya sedang dalam ujian sebenarnya. Doakan saya ye. Saya ingin selalu berada dalam lindungan Ilahi... dan saya ingin selalu tsabat di jalan ini.

Sekarang asyik hujan je kan? Lebat benar, sampai susah nak ke mana-mana. Tapi saya yakin, pasti ada hikmah disebaliknya, seperti ada hikmah disebalik setiap ujian yang Allah turunkan pada hambanya.

Hmm... Ini tulisan semalam dan isi hati lepas yang sempat saya coretkan...

Salam ‘alaik,

I wonder when I would actually be able to post all these writing… This morning I went to cc and guess what? The moment I got to a computer, the internet didn’t work anymore… It was a bit frustrating actually, but it didn’t matter much… well, actually no, it did matter, because the real reason I went there was to email some badge designs to Ramlah. And that was kind of urgent… But still, I have to learn to face things patiently in this life, don’t I?

Guess how to know you’ve arrived in Shah Alam if you’re riding on a motorcycle? Easy, you’ll feel the difference in the smoothness of the road. There are lots of potholes here. Or perhaps after a while, your tire will puncture, especially if it was raining like today. That’s what happened to us anyway. Luckily we were already so close to home, biiznillah, we arrived safely. But still, I would really appreciate it if the authority takes the necessary steps to repair the road condition. Not just me, I’m sure. A lot of people would be thankful. Last month or so I read about complaints on the road condition in NST…

Rants of Nurdyana at 01:00 a.m on 3rd March 2008.

Salam ‘alaik…

I really don’t know why I keep posting meaningless things here. I would like to tell my readers something of value, and most of the time, the words keep playing in my mind waiting to be written but when I didn’t get to write it soon enough, they went away. Like the other day when I attended the discussion on Freedom of Religion, which focused on Subashini case, and touched on Article 11 and Lina Joy’s issue.

It was enlightening one, that discussion. It was interesting to listen to three lawyers arguing their points of view. Each with his own opinion which differed from the others. For instance, in the case of Subashini, Dato’ Faiza does not agree with the ruling of the judge. He felt that the case should fall under the jurisdiction of civil court. Tn. Hj. Zainul Rijal disagreed, and said that it would be fairer for both parties if the trial is held under syariah court (he was the lawyer for the husband, btw). He argued that if only the judge would make a decision choosing either one, even if he decided to give the jurisdiction to civil court, this issue would be settled once and for all. But the third speaker, Tn. Hj. Muhammad Naser Disa, dismissed both arguments and said that he agreed with the judge decision, that both court has the right of jurisdiction in that case. How intriguing is that?

There’s a lot more to the discussion that I wanted to write about but things kept coming up one after another and then I forgot to type them and now I no longer feel like telling (lazy didi!). But we had to do an assignment on that issue, and I wanted to thank all my sahabat who contributed points and cases for me to look into. I really think my sahabat are amazing. Because in the course of an hour or so, I got a lot of information on cases that I’ve never even heard of, which just shows how limited my knowledge of current issues was, perhaps still is (which I’m doing my best to improve, insyaAllah ^_^). Jazakallahu Khair.

Without really realizing it: Ladies and gentlemen, it’s March already!

It rained a lot these few days, I wonder why… I lost track of what season it is. It is even raining at this moment. I’m in my room, waiting for it to stop so that I may go out and explore the world! Nay, it just that I’ve got lots to do, including assignments and stuff, and this rain (though it makes me feel comfy coz it’s cool and nice and cozy in here) somewhat dampen the spirit. I’m afraid to brave the rain, for already I’m having a cold. And the memory of last week’s fever is still fresh in my mind. =P

The election is getting close and those newspapers are really something, aren’t they? It got to the point that I can’t read another word, coz if I did I’ll end up throwing up (figuratively speaking). But election is an interesting thing. Interesting subject to talk about. And one of my lecturer had even told us that we should go and listen to all those ceramah, make our own observation, inference and conclusion. Well, perhaps he forgot about the 174 Act, which applies to us UiTM students. And that AUKU stuff. Here in our residence college they even set up a bilik gerakan to monitor the students’ involvement in politics. There’s a clause somewhere in our college agreement we signed earlier this semester that we are not supposed to participate in any political activities except those of the governing party. So, interestingly, last 2, 3 week or so we got Khairi Jamaluddin here in UiTM Shah Alam to preach on why we should support the current government. Really, I think politic is interesting. You could see how far humans will go to get what they want. You could observe for yourself how much of the fundamental liberties in Article 10 of the Federal Constitution are being exercised in the country. You could see a lot of things actually. All you need to do is just open your eyes and sharpen your hearing and be observant.

Well, the rain has stopped. I need to get going. So, until we meet again…

Ilalliqa’.

Rants of nurdyana on 1st March 2008 ending at 12:30 p.m

When I cannot sleep at night, I write. That’s just what I do. And since last night was one such night, I wrote these down on my brother’s old exercise book…

When you’re sick, you aren’t rational. You mostly wanted the pain to be gone and refuse to think about anything remotely complicated at all. And another thing about having a fever is, since you won’t be able to think clearly, you’ll likely messed things up. For example, when you pack your bag to go home, it’s likely that you’ll forget to include your purse, identity card, and student’s ID card. At least that was what happened to me. =p

I was alone that morning; my roommate had to attend Kesatria Negara weekly training. Yuyun did drop by a little earlier, but she too went off to participate in one college activity (larian something) that I had no knowledge about, promising to come back with breakfast. I wasn’t feeling as bad as the day before so I rather thought even alone, I would be fine. Then, my sister called to tell me she was coming to get me.

I had given trouble to enough people already: to Mun, who was busy enough but still find time to attend to the whining sick person and bought me fruits and foods which I didn’t really eat. To Mimi who took over from Mun when she had to go away to Pahang. To Kak Bie, since I had to break a promise made few days earlier… To my roommate and another unknown angel who mysteriously appeared by my bedside in the middle of the night to bring me Milo and gave me my medicine…

I really appreciate all those helps very much. I didn’t know what would happen to me if I were to be left alone. Perhaps I’ll never wake up; it took a lot of what left of my energy to walk to the bus stand to go to Pusat Kesihatan the other day. Perhaps I would just lie down on the bed doing nothing and drifting from unconsciousness to consciousness and back again. I felt I was in state of semi-consciousness most of the time. I was fully awake of course, when I received the phone calls, which kept coming: from my beloved mother, my sister rahifah and then my kak aida, then kak hasbiyana, and salmah and ramlah… I remember reading some messages too, but I scarcely remember what my answers were, perhaps I didn’t even reply them…

But now my friends, since my fever has ebbed away, I have bigger problems waiting for me. Raihana called just now asking me about the contract assignment, which totally slipped away from my mind! And guess what? Due date is tomorrow!

I really need to get my life back on track!

Rants by nurdyana sulong at her sister’s house on 18th February 2008 at 01:39 a:m.

Ilalliqa'

Tata....

2008-02-10T09:31:00.000+08:00

Salam 'alaik

I'm going back to shah alam today...
oh i so hate leaving home
i feel homesick already.

hoping to smile like this!

My sister kak ana naik waja balik kuantan sorang-sorang. rugi space je kan? sedangkan saya tumpang viva ain 5 orang... huhu.. Apepun, doakan kami selamat sampai ek..
~ Tata

ilalliqa'

I'm wasting your time

2008-02-10T00:16:00.000+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

there are lots of things that i wish to write about...
lots that had happened recently.
lots of new things that i learned.
new knowledge that i gained

yet not everything can be written
some things are just meant to be kept quiet
views that simply can't be made public
because otherwise I'll be in trouble

but my fingers still want to push the buttons on the keyboard
thus you'll see words appearing here that has not much meanings.
and so, i apologize for wasting your time...again.

Rumah oh rumah...

2008-02-08T20:13:00.000+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

Saya nak pergi jalan-jalan hari ni...
Saya nak pergi melawat sahabat yang bekerja di Marang.
Saya nak pergi berjalan-jalan melihat alam
Negeri Terengganu darul Iman

Tapi bila dah berada di rumah
Saya cuma duduk depan komputer
Saya layari internet
Dan saya baca buku lagi
Walaupun buku tu dah berkali-kali saya baca sebelum ni

Saya memang macam ni
Rumah buat saya macam ni
Tak de maknanya lesen yang saya ada
sebab saya tak pernah nak pergi mana-mana
Tak de maknanya perancangan saya sebelum ni
Sebab saya tak pernah reti nak laksanakan

Apa agaknya patut saya buat?

My cute little nephew

2008-01-22T18:02:00.000+08:00

Salam 'alaik,

My brother sent me this picture while I was in class, and Syamil was so cute in it I have to post it here!

He's learned how to smile! i rather think this smile looks a lot like abang ci's. =) Wish I could go and see him now. He's today 2 months and 10 days.

The bend in the road...

2008-01-16T09:36:00.000+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum w.b.t..

My apologies...

The thing about writing is, you can write whatever you like whenever you like it.

The thing about blogging is, you can write whatever you like too, but not when you have no internet connection.

And for most people, i.e.: me myself and I, slow connection set me off. So does having to wait for a pc in a cyber cafe. Lots of slippers and sandals outside the premise, and I’ll say thank you, maybe next time. But the next time the same thing occurs again and again, so that's why I didn't write.

Shah Alam v UIA…

I thought I don't really mind UiTM. Shah Alam I mean. I thought I didn't mind walking up the hill. Didn't mind the stuffiness of the air and crowdedness of the building, being pushed in a crammed bus that the whole weight of that other people and those who pushed her laid on me that a backache is a certainty at the end of the day.

But that was before I went to UIA last Saturday. I never really admit the fact that UIA is an appealing campus though I’ve been there several times. Not when I have a sister who graduated from there (you know how it goes). But after shah alam, that campus seemed like heaven. It was just soo tranquil there, perhaps because it was a Saturday. But the landscape was beautiful, and the building was well-planned. Here it seems like they sprout out just everywhere. Didn’t mean to kutuk my own university… but life is hectic here, it’s just that.

Papa, please please give me a motorcycle…

Lawyers to be…

And here comes the story of me changing my course. At first it was kind of hard to answer the question “why?”, but now it’s kind of amusing.

Really, I don’t have an answer. Just that I finally realized Science stream isn’t right for me.

I’ve been dreaming of becoming a graphic designer for quite sometimes now. I’ve even started to become an unqualified one, designing for my friends, planning to cooperate with my sister to build up a company and collaborating with Che Lah and Sal once we graduated in two or three years from now. I even got reservation from few people to design their wedding card when they finally decide to get married in future. But fate didn’t put me in that path.

There was I bend in my road I chose to continue this path. The one that will take longer, but perhaps will be better for me.

Biiznillah, I’m now a law student. And not so surprisingly, I found that I like learning this stuff much much more than learning biology and chemistry; be it analytical or organic or inorganic. I found myself being thankful that I no longer have to peruse a three inch text book like the one Mun bought last week.

Law books look much more boring, I tell you, there isn’t any colorful picture at all. (horror horror! =p). But then, neither does all those storybooks I’ve been reading for ages and at least I understand what they say. There are many, perhaps, terms that I’m not so familiar with, but that’s okay, coz there are people whom I can ask. It wasn’t so pleasant to be a stranger when other people already knew each other since their foundation year, but surprisingly, I'm not so much a stranger as I thought I would be. Some of these people knew me form a year and half before. I was their OC (orientation committee), you see. How weird is that? =)

So, all in all… I’m doing just fine.

Ilalliqa'

^_^

Hurm...

2007-11-23T22:18:00.001+08:00

I miss my students...
very very much.

Aliff...
He was a naughty boy actually. slalu tak duduk diam dalam kelas. selalu bercakap dengan ain. mengaku sukakan malisa kelas 2B. macam2...

but then, once I sat at the back of the class, after giving them a piece of paper each to write the song "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and asked them to illustrate the song with their own drawing, once when I was sitting quietly at the back with my own paper and pencil, he turned to me, asking me this and that and showing me his drawing and wanting to know what I was drawing...

I told him, "let teacher draw you then, stay still."

I drew a cartoon picture of him, which has little resemblance but cute enough, which his friends were saying (this is one of the wonderful things about these children) how pretty my drawing was, and was asking me to draw this people and that next. I did. I drew two more of my pupils. But the whole time I realised Aliff was staring at me from time to time. I was curious but said nothing. His friends, soon enough came up to me and told me loudly,

"Alif lukis muka teacher dengan raja"
(The day before I told them a story about a king and a fisherman and I guess that's how I got to be with the king in Aliff's imagination)

How touching, to have a child drawing you...
One thing I regret now... I left the pictures they drew that day in the box at Teacher Aida's place. I so regret that I had forgotten to take them with me...

On my last day in Class 2A, when I sit there opposite of Aliff (who was holding a chalk and had his body facing the blackboard) who refused to look at me when I look at him but occasionally stared at me again, I realised he was drawing me again... but then the bell rang and I had to go to Class 1B, and he never finished the drawing and I never got to see that one...

This is only a story of one of my many wonderful pupils... there are more...
and I miss them.
so much.

I'll tell you some more next time...

Ilalliqa'

lots of love,
~ddyana

Cooking for a new mother...

2007-11-23T14:46:00.000+08:00

Salaam...

I'm back to the old layout!

Don't even know why, but it has been some times that I wanted to change my template but the choices were so limited and i haven't figure out how to put up my own creation yet and I didn't really have the mood to make a new design anyway but somehow the previous layout was so dull it was eating me and suddenly I found myself choosing this one which was the one I used before, the first layout for my blog. *breathless*.

Em. Did you know that it's kinda easy to cook for a new mother in pantang? The first day we came back from the hospital I was quite lost of what should I cook for my sister. But she told me she had printed out some recipes before and told me to cook something from that. I chose an ikan bilis recipe, which was so simple and made me doubt how it would turned out. Anyhow, it turned out okay, tasted a little bit like singgang, and my sister said it was nice, which is the only important thing, really.

Then mama came from Terengganu, and since she had given birth to nine of us, and stayed healthy afterwards, my sister and I consider her "the expert". Nowadays, Kak Aida's menu are mostly ikan bakar and vegetable soup, with lots of garlic and ginger and black pepper. Ginger for 'angin' and pepper to keep her body warm. Anyway, I think I'll be an expert of pantang food in near future so if anyone needs advice on that, do not hesitate to ask. haha!

The newborn already has a name: Ihsan Izziddeen Omar. My brother in law took quite a while figuring out that name, so in the meantime I had been calling him boboy, which was rather pampering than what my mother called him: awang. But now we can properly call him Ihsan, or Iz which is quite a nice name in my opinion ( I always like the sound of "Is", for some reason) and with noble meanings too.

I guess that's all for now. My father is coming tonight =), to see his 3rd grandson for sure, but also so that somebody could accompany me to my graduation ceremony tomorrow. Which is kinda sad really, since mama would not probably come since she's taking care of my sister and the baby, but what the big deal? It's just a diploma anyway. And not an excellent one at that. I'll do better for my degree.

So, tata.

Ilalliqa'.

Wonderful Wonderful Thing!

2007-11-19T23:37:00.000+08:00

Salam...

I'm extremely tired and very very sleepy...

Macam manapun, dyana nak gtau pasal peristiwa yang menarik dan sangat istimewa yang berlaku dalam tempoh seminggu ni...

Isnin minggu lepas, Mohd Syamil bin Mohd Sanusi bin Sulong dilahirkan dengan berat 3.8kg. anak sedara dyana yang ketiga. belum berkesempatan tengok lagi, tapi mesti comel sangat. Kata abang ci dia macam syafiq.

Sabtu lepas pulak, bayi yang dah lama ditunggu-tunggu Abg Omar dan Kak Aida, dan kami satu family, dilahirkan di Hospital Putrajaya. Baby boy jugak tapi belun ada nama. Kak Aida lahirkan dia jam 3.08 pagi dengan berat 2.42kg je. Kecil tapi tetap comel. Putih macam ibu dia. Dyana ada waktu dia lahir, so dah dapat tengok la... ni gambar dia, comel kan?

My sister, in my opinion, was very cool throughout the whole thing, except of course, in the labour room (I wasn't in the room, so I wouldn't know). She was very calm and steady when waiting for everything to be ready before we went to the hospital. The only indication of pain that I saw was her being so quite and quite moody, otherwise she was very much normal. But then, kak Aida has always been the most steady person among us siblings...

Anyway, a new life is such a beautiful and wonderful thing, isn't it? It sets all hearts to joy...

Dan satu lagi, waktu dyana pergi merayap kat KLCC dengan adik, dapat lagi satu berita gembira, tapi tu kita citer lain kali ye.

Alhamdulillah atas setiap kurniaan DIA pada kami.... Thank you ALLAH for all the blessing in this life of mine!

Okay, time untuk tidur, dah pening... maaf tulisan ni berterabur...

Ilalliqa'...

The End of Another Chapter

2007-11-14T15:38:00.000+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

Saya punya banyak waktu terluang hari ini. Jadi, saya habiskan dengan menjadi penonton keletah putera puteri 2 Bestari. Bila loceng berbunyi menandakan habisnya masa pertama, saya masih duduk di kerusi paling hadapan kelas itu. Di meja pelajar yang tidak hadir hari ini. Dari luar, pastinya kelas itu kelihatan bagai tiada guru, dengan kanak-kanak asyik berlari ke hulu dan ke hilir, bermain "ice and water". Ice and Water? Rasa ingin tahu menjentik tangkai hati, lantas saya memerhati. Dalam hati berkata, moden sungguh kanak-kanak sekarang, nama permainan pun dalam Bahasa Inggeris. Akhirnya saya tahu, permainan itu sama seperti 'tang duduk' yang menjadi permainan saya dan kawan-kawan dulu, cuma instead of duduk bila disentuh, mereka menjadi beku tak dapat bergerak.

Sekumpulan lagi kanak-kanak yang duduk berhampiran saya sedang seronok bermain batu seremban. Gembiranya mereka, asyik tertawa dan sama menyakat. 3 lelaki lawan 3 perempuan. Teringat waktu kanak-kanak, saya selalu bermain permainan yang sama, malah agak 'expert' dan selalu menang. Duduk dengan mak cik (our babysitter) di hadapan pintu sementara menunggu tibanya waktu persekolahan (sesi petang), saya pernah beberapa kali mengajak teman yang juga jiran bernama Syuwaida bermain dengan saya.

Waktu mata ralit menatap Syawal melambung batu serembannya, tersedar saya yang sekarang saya telah lupa sama sekali cara permainannya... dan saya juga sedar, ini kali terakhir saya melihat telatah anak-anak ini... dan hari ini, hari terakhir saya di sini...

Terasa bagai baru semalam saya hadir ke sekolah ini, dengan panggilan 'teacher baru' diulang-ulang oleh pelajar dan guru-guru SK Tok Dir ini. Teacher baru, pengganti Teacher Aida, yang waktu ditanya oleh ayah bagaimana hari pertama saya di sekolah, enggan menjawab kerana terlalu lelah melayan kerenah anak murid yang rasanya terlalu nakal. Teacher baru, yang beberapa kali keluar kelas sebelum habis masa mengajar kerana 'merajuk' dengan kenakalan mereka, Tahun 4A, Tahun 2A dan 1B, semua pernah merasa.

Teringat nasihat kakak saya, hari pertama perlu terus garang, jangan senyum atau ketawa. Namun kerana saya sangat sukakan kanak-kanak, nasihat itu sukar teramat untuk dilaksanakan. Fikir saya kerana itulah sukar sekali untuk saya mangawal mereka..

Hari berlalu and I somehow got by. Menjadi diri sendiri, saya cuma marah bila mereka melakukan sesuatu yang menyakitkan hati, gelak dan tertawa bila melihat telatah mereka yang lucu dan mencuit hati. Bila peperiksaan akhir tahun berakhir, saya tercari-cari alternatif untuk mengisi masa lapang, kadang-kadang bermain 'word games' dengan anak-anak itu, selalunya menawarkan cenderahati bagi memastikan mereka terus bersemangat sampai saya hampir bankrupt ^_`, dan banyak juga masa yang saya habiskan cuma menjadi pendengar setia pelbagai cerita pelajar-pelajar saya...

Saya paling gembira bila dikerumuni kanak-kanak ini, anak-anak murid saya sendiri. Paling gembira mendengar apa saja yang mereka perkatakan. Kadang-kadang terkeluar juga soalan-soalan pelik dan tak saya sangkakan, contohnya bila ditanya "teacher, boleh tak nak jadi pondan?". Terlopong saya seketika, akhirnya saya gelak sendiri...

Hari ini saya sedikit kesal kerana ramai pelajar Tahun 4A yang tidak hadir dan tak dapat saya temui buat kali terakhir. Namun bagi yang hadir pula, sangat sukar mengucapkan selamat tinggal. Mendengar ’report’ kawan-kawannya, Safura sedang menangis di kelas 2B, juga melihat mata merah Alif yang cuba menyembunyikan wajahnya di bawah meja... dan bila saya keluar untuk ke kelas seterusnya, Tahun 1B, mereka mengekori dan mengintai di pintu belakang....

Hakikatnya sayang, setiap pertemuan, pasti berakhir dengan perpisahan...

Ilalliqa'

Not so quite...

2007-09-20T21:03:00.000+08:00

I was really angry this afternoon. Angry and exasperated that I told him I was never going to talk to him again. Big NO, so please don’t even bother asking me to translate the dialogue or whatever game you were playing on that PS2. I was not going to ask you to eat, and in fact, I was never going to ask you to do anything, so that’s THAT.

Then I went upstairs into my room, or Ain’s room to be precise, and packed my bag. I’m going to leave tomorrow anyway, so why not get packed earlier. I shut the door and noiselessly minding my own business, when silently I heard the room’s door creaked open, and a small dark head appeared. I ignored it completely and he went away. Not ten minutes later, the same little head emerged again, this time with a small, i-am-sorry voice,

“aunty didi… abang nak makan… boleh tak suapkan abang makan?...”

And you know what, I don’t have the heart to ignore him again. Hah. So I stood up (though still a little coldly) and take the small hand down the stairs, get him the food I prepared earlier (which at that time, he refused to eat, bawling to his dad on the phone, “abang tak suka, tiap-tiap hari makan sup ayam je!”), while he continued his chatting, saying, “lepas makan abang nak minum susu, pastu nak baca spelling abang”. Wow, suddenly a very good boy.

So you see, what getting angry and yelling couldn’t do, a little sulking could.

With ain though, it’s a bit different. She’ll ignored me most of the time when I use my usual tone in asking her to do anything, but if I use the mak-tiri tone, though she never take me as seriously angry, she’ll concurred quietly with that smile on her face. Though if mak-tiri method fails, there’s always “budak baik macam Nabilla selalu ikut cakap aunty dia” or “princess kena duduk betul-betul, cakap baik-baik and tak jerit-jerit tau..” haha.

Never thought taking care of a pair of children can be that tricky.

Anyway, I wanted to say more, but this little boy and girl is at this moment climbing on this office chair I’m sitting on, asking me what I’m doing and urging me to hurry.

“aunty buat ape ni?”

“buat kerja aunty”

“sape yang suruh aunty buat kerja ni? Yang kat KL hari tu ke”

“tak lah”

“kerja aunty ni takkan abis sampai bila-bila ke?

“kenapa? Abang nak suh aunty buat ape?”

“takdelah, nanti ain tido abang tak nak tinggal sorang-sorang”

“tapi kan ain tak tido lagi, nanti dia tido abang panggil la aunty”

(giving me a sulking face) “okla….”

I had had lots of laughter living with my niece and nephew here, well lots of exasperating moments too for sure, even feeling harassed sometimes, but hey, they are only children. They make you mad and then they win you over again with their sweet charm...

Anyway, I’m going to start working this Sunday so I’m going back to KT. One thing for sure, I’m really going to miss them. Even though they’ll forget me in no time at all..

And here they come again, so I really got to go.

By the way, Salam Ramadhan, selamat berpuasa…

“Saatnya istirehat dalam ‘perjalanan dunia’, saatnya membersihkan jwa yang berjelaga, saatnya menikmati indahnya kemurahanNya… Semoga Ramadhan kali ini makin mendekatkan diri kita pada Allah…”

Illaliqa’

So our latest story is...

2007-06-21T21:46:00.000+08:00

Here it is!

The wedding of my sister, Rahifah binti Sulong with Al-Fadhil Ustaz Muhammad Hijaz bin Muhammad Ramli:

Salam 'alaik.

Actually this newspaper of mine is really out-dated. ^.^ Huhu. but nevermind that. we still have a story to tell. kalau tak hangat pun, still 'suam-suam kuku' what?=>

I have been trying to upload these photos for ages, but something was wrong somewhere with the internet before, but now at last, I managed this!

let's take a peak at the event first:

and another peak:

And here's the groom...

and his bride!~

btw, the little girl beside her is my niece.

The 'akad nikah' took place in Masjid Pengadang Baru on 8th June, the reception was held on the next day at my house. Alhamdulillah, everything went smoothly.

Saya rase jodoh kakak saya dengan ustaz hijaz ni kuat. sebab ayah saya pernah sesekolah dengan mak dia, saya kenal dengan kak mas, mak saudara abang ipar saya ni, and my aunt (who lives in Singapore) and his other aunt are friends. kebetulan kan?

Anyway, kali ni tak nak report panjang-panjang, my only wish is for them to have all the happiness in the world, and pray that they'll be living happily ever after... and bring me another niece/nephew as soon as possible of course! =>

okay, tata~ (^-^)

ilalliqa'

A long way since...

2007-05-13T17:46:00.000+08:00

Salam 'alaik...

They say it's silly if you cry watching a drama or movie, some would even say that it's stupid, since the whole thing is just an act... But how can I not cry watching the struggle of a girl trying really hard just to live? A 15 year-old who learned to accept her destiny... To continue living her life fullest though knowing that she would eventually lost her body coordination, her speech and her writing ability. Swallowing every bitterness in life, accepting her fate, and doing everything always with a sweet sweet smile on her face. And, it is based on a true story. So those who did not shed a tear would be heartless, I say.

There, I've just finished watching this Japanese drama, "Ichi Ritoru no Namida", 'A Liter of Tears'. That was a 2005 production, I think. So I am a bit behind am I not? Weird that nobody says anything to me about this drama when it was a very good one. It’s a heart wrenching drama, a story of Ikeuchi Aya, who was being diagnosed with Spinocerebellar Degeneration, an incurable disease yet.

“Just being alive is such a lovely and wonderful thing” – This is Aya’s saying, the real one. So I am now being thankful to Allah, for each and every little blessings bestowed on me. For my life, my family, my friends, my religion.

It’s been sooo long, has it not? Not sitting in front of this desktop, writing my thoughts and telling you my story. Whoever you are, since you happen to be here reading this, you are my reader, and for that, I thank you. And if you are a friend who keeps visiting and only to find nothing is new, again and again, please don’t be mad at me. I am sorry. Very-very sorry. Gomenne.

I’m sorry, I’m not really able to concentrate on what I’m writing, for there is a renovation going on outside the house and the noise is really unbearable. Annoying, too. Anyway, I have an announcement to make: a wedding is scheduled on 9th June 2007, less than a month from now, here at my house. If you’re a friend of mine, especially from school, or a friend of my family, please come. It could be a little reunion for us then. My sister, Rahifah Sulong is getting married.

It makes me reflect, this coming wedding; I’m old now, am I not? Already 22. Time really flies. One by one, my siblings are going to have their own family, and one by one, we are going to be separated. That’s why, even if I’m irritated at my sister when she was in temper or tense with the preparation or so fussy about that virtual card I made her, I try not to be angry, though I was unsuccessful most of the time. I am by nature, a fiery person, I think. Or may be only when I deal with my siblings. Weird as it is, I find it easier to be patient with outsiders than my own family. That’s kind of bad, isn’t it? I promise to at least ‘try’ to be a better person.

I’m not really telling anything of value here, am I? It just that it’s been so long… So many things to write but I don’t really know what to write. Let me sort everything out first, okay?

Till then, I’ll leave you with this.

Ilalliqa’.

Lots of love,
~ ddyana

Food for the soul...

2006-12-13T00:40:00.000+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh...

Lama sudah tak mencoret rasa di sini. Anggap saja kerana musim peperiksaan, yang mana saya perlu membetulkan aulawiyat, kerana kalau masih sahaja menghadap komputer saban hari, pasti sahaja ulangkaji saya terabai. lagi pula dalam seminggu terakhir berada di kampus, something went wrong with the wireless internet. jadi bila ada niat nak menulis pun, saya tak dapat melaksanakannya.

Saya kira sahabat-sahabat lain pun begitu, kerana setiap kali saya menjengah ke blog sahabat, entry yang sama menyambut saya. yang sudah berkali-kali saya lihat.

dan setelah begitu lama mengabaikan blog ini, awal pagi ini saya kembali lagi. kerana kini saya telah kembali ke rumah. seusai peperiksaan tempoh hari, saya turun ke kl, dan kemudian ke johor, dan kemudian kembali sebentar ke trg, kemudian ke pahang semula. semalam, saya pulang lagi ke terengganu, negeri kelahiran saya ini.

hari ini badan saya sakit-sakit. maka saya lebih banyak terbaring dari melakukan apa-apa. mungkin kerana semalam mengangkat kotak dan beg-beg dari bilik saya di level 2 turun ke bawah untuk saya bawa pulang semuanya ke rumah. lantas tadi bila mengadu, saya dimarahi mama. katanya kenapa perlu menyakiti badan sendiri dengan mengangkat benda yang berat, minta tolong saja dengan sesiapa yang ada di sana, dia sanggup bayarkan.

oh ya, sebenarnya sewaktu menuruni tangga semalam saya tergelincir. Terdiam sebentar saya di tangga, kerana rasanya seperti telah terpisah kepala dari bahu, akibat hentakan kuat apabila saya jatuh terduduk. lebam di tangan juga masih terasa sakitnya sedikit. huhu. kalau mama tahu tentu lagi banyak leternya. kadangkala bila amarah menguasai diri, saya seringkali terlupa, yang saya punya ibu yang begitu amat prihatin.

hurm. pernah tidak saya memberitahu kalian, yang saya ini sangat suka membaca? dan malangnya, bahan bacaan yang saya gemari kebanyakannya adalah novel inggeris. saya berkali-kali dilalaikan dek novel-novel begitu. pernah waktu di bahagian satu, saya mengabaikan ulangkaji untuk test biologi kerana sebuah buku cerita, dan kalau tidak silap saya gagal dalam ujian kali itu. dulu bila gagal ujian adalah suatu perkara yang amat berat bagi saya, biarpun akhir-akhir ini ia seolah menjadi suatu kebiasaan yang berulang-ulang. saya teringat kembali tentang ini kerana terjumpa satu entry tentang ini dalam diari bel100 saya. diari yang saya tulis kerana pensyarah waktu itu, miss norzi diyana ingin kami praktis menulis dalam bahasa inggeris. diari yang saya temui kembali waktu berkemas dan menyimpan barang tempoh hari.

pernah dalam satu perjumpaan, muslimat mendapat teguran kerana kata mereka, kami lebih mementingkan bahan bacaan novel dan cinta daripada yang ilmiah. hinggakan banyak isu-isu semasa yang tidak kami ketahui. waktu itu saya hairan kenapa muslimat di cop begitu. waktu bilakah mereka yang melontarkan tuduhan itu melihat muslimat terlalu asyik dengan novel? kerana sewaktu bersama sahabat, jarang sekali saya lihat mereka membawa novel, bercerita tentang novel pun bukan topik biasa.

saya saja yang ke hulu ke hilir membawa buku cerita. ke kelas, ke meeting, ke usrah. sudah jadi tabiat, hingga kadang-kadang saya jadi malu dengan sahabat kerana sering membawa novel, walaupun berkumpul tidur bersama malam itu adalah untuk qiam esoknya.

mungkinkah kerana saya seorang seluruh muslimat dilabel begitu?

tak kisahlah, kerana hari ini saya boleh berkongsi sesuatu daripada minat saya terhadap novel. sejak semalam saya kepingin membaca novel ini, bila melihatnya di atas katil kakak saya. tetapi kerana dia sedang membacanya saya dilarang menyentuhnya. petang tadi, dalam pukul 5, saya mula membaca novel ini, selesai lebih kurang jam 12 tgh malam tadi. novel ini unik. novel yang ilmiah.

selama ini saya sering mengikuti kuliah-kuliah dan ceramah agama. dari tingkatan satu hingga lima saya dididik di salah sebuah sekolah agama. tingkatan 3 hingga 5, saya hidup dalam suasana yang cukup islamik di asrama SHAMS. malah tingkatan 4 dan 5 saya seharusnya jadi orang yang sangat faham agama kerana belajar subjek Al-Quran dan Sunnah serta Syariah Islamiyyah.

saya kira saya memang tergolong dalam mereka yang agak faham tentang agama. tentang syariat Allah. kalau tidak tahu, saya akan bertanya pada yang lebih arif. tetapi yang penting selama ini, sejauh mana telah saya amalkan segala ilmu itu? kalau saya di tanya oleh non-muslim tentang keindahan islam, mampukah saya menggambarkannya? mampukan saya membetulkan salah faham orang tentang Islam dengan hujah yang bernas? hadith dan surah yang saya hafal sewaktu menuntut dulu, masihkah dalam ingatan saya? Bahasa Arab Tinggi yang langsung tidak saya minati waktu sekolah dulu, mana sudah perginya kini? sedikit amat perkataan arab yang saya ketahui. malah syafiq dan ain (anak saudara saya) lebih pandai menyanyikan lagu anggota badan dalam bahasa arab, yang saya pelajari waktu di tingkatan satu dulu. bagaimana kini saya bisa fasih berbahasa inggeris sedangkan bahasa Al-Quran itu saya belakangkan begitu sahaja?

Watak utama novel ini mampu melakukan semua itu. Mampu menerangkan tentang keindahan Islam kepada mereka yang ingin tahu tentangnya, fasih berhujjah dengan hadith dan ayat suci Al-Quran, seorang yang hafaz Quran, belajar qiraat dengan penuh ketekunan daripada guru yang bukan calang-calang orangnya, bukan sahaja fasih berbahasa Arab malah bahasa Inggeris dan Jerman juga. Dia juga insan yang punya perancangan hidup yang jelas, 10 tahun ke hadapan, dan sanggup berusaha bersungguh-sungguh, biarpun kerana itu dia jatuh sakit. dan yang penting, prinsipnya tidak tergugah sedikitpun biar nyawanya dalam pertaruhan. cintanya juga tetap utuh setia pada seorang walau ramai yang mendambakan dia sebagai teman hidup.

Novel ini novel cinta. tajuknya saja sudah menggambarkan itu. "Ayat-ayat Cinta" karangan Habiburrahman El Shizary, novelis dari Indonesia. Tetapi mesejnya sarat, berat dan sangat-sangat memberi pengajaran. Terus-terang saya katakan, bilamana saya membaca karya yang berat, yang disulami terjemahan Quran dan hadith, terjemahan itu biasanya saya baca dengan cara scanning sahaja, sekadar ingin mengetahui bukan mendalami. Ada masanya saya skip saja. Tapi setiap terjemahan dalam novel ini rasanya ingin diteliti, ingin betul-betul saya fahami, supaya jelas kaitannya dengan plot cerita yang sedang dikisahkan.

Novel ini tentang cara perhubungan yang diredhai. Yang mengingatkan saya suatu waktu dulu saya pernah ditanya,

"apa sebenarnya maksud 'hubungan yang diredhai'? ".

seingat saya, saya menjawab yang saya sendiri tidak pasti. dan saya kira, itu cuma salah satu buktinya lagi, yang saya hanya punya ilmu tapi langsung tidak tahu untuk menterjemahkan dan menerangkan pada orang lain. pada mereka yang sebenarnya tidak faham manisnya sebuah cinta yang terjalin hanya setelah ikatan yang sah menghalalkannya. saya punya gambarannya tapi saya tidak mampu mengungkapkannya.

jadi, kalau punya peluang saya ingin pinta insan yang bertanya itu dan sesiapa sahaja yang sedang keliru tentang soal itu supaya membaca novel ini. saya juga tidak begitu hairan bila 4 wanita, iaitu 3 muslimat dan seorang non-muslim, jatuh hati kepada seorang rijal yang jadi watak utama dalam cerita ini. kerana gambaran tentang dirinya begitu sempurna, tentu saja jadi idaman gadis yang mengenali peribadinya. namun saya juga terfikir, wujudkah insan seperti dia dalam dunia ini?

biar apapun, saya tidak fikir saya mampu memberi kredit yang adil kepada novel ini, kerana saya tidak pandai untuk mengulas. bacalah, maka sahabat-sahabat juga pasti akan tertawan seperti saya. novel ini sangat best, percayalah. a food for the soul, mungkin. saya cukup kagum kepada penulis, atas karyanya ini. semoga novel-novelnya selepas ini juga sehebat dan setanding AAC. Dan saya pasti akan cuba menonton cerita ini bila difilemkan nanti.

sekian sahaja kali ini, ilalliqa'...

Done with BEL...

2006-11-07T16:33:00.000+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum w.b.t,

Let's see. I've just finished my BEL 300 paper, which should ended at 5.15 p.m but I decided to go out early, since I could not think of anything else to do. Well, I think it's OK. the paper is. But I keep thinking that may be this and that is not grammatically correct, and i got confused. huhu. so i went out.

Before I went inside the examination hall however, somebody said something that affect me in such a way that my concentration to the paper lessened, coz my mind keep wandering away and away... to old memories. that should of course, be forgotten!

Anyway, it's okay. coz it does not pain me anymore. Memories are memories, you cannot just delete them away. they just stay.

right, so that it. and that's all.

c.u

ilalliqa'.

Lebaran tiba...

2006-10-24T01:00:00.000+08:00

Salam Aidilfitri...

babaflash

Entahla...

2006-10-10T22:51:00.000+08:00

Salam..

Hari ini kita gaduh,
saya main-main,
awak ingat betul-betul.
saya tak tahu nak buat macam mana lagi.
Lantak awak la...

Semalam kita selisih,
saya buat dunno,
awak pandang saya,
saya buat dunno gak,
degilnya saya..

Saya nampak awak,
saya nak panggil,
tapi awak tak toleh,
sebab saya panggil awak dalam hati..
bodohnya saya...

awak tegur saya,
saya buat dunno,
tapi awak tak tahu happy nya saya..
Awak bengang,
awak terus tak toleh,
saya cuma nak bagitau awak..
LORI!

Saya kejar awak,
awak jatuh,
saya nampak lori..
betul-betul depan saya..

kalau tak sempat,
saya nak bagitahu...
awak tetap kawan saya sampai bila-bila...

Receiving this, I didn't know exactly what to think.. have I done anything wrong?
When I asked, the answer was "taklah. rindu [",]".

Maybe there isn't anything meant by the person who sent me those words, but it somehow has A LOT to do with me. With this "complicated" situation I'm facing right now. Maybe the sender of these words wants me to realise something...

Sometimes it's very hard to say "I'm sorry".

It's harder when you think you are in no way guilty.

But could you be absolutely sure of your innocence?

Well, in truth you could not. Still, you would not say sorry. Not in front of that person directly. Why?

Because it's complicated.

Whatever it is, you wanted that person to know, whatever happens between you...

Friendship remains...

Sekali bersahabat, selamanya kita tetap sahabat.

Ilalliqa'..

My classes..

2006-10-03T16:02:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh…

Guess where we had BEL class yesterday and just now? rumah tamu. coz en. nik had an accident (while being a good husband helping his wife angkat kain di jemuran) and we haven't had classes for a week. But a dedicated educator as he is, we had our replacement classes, at night, when he was able to be “chauffeured” by his colleague. And this kind of classes, at special places, though he is still on MC. Thanks sir!

I kinda miss his talks. He is the type of person who feels its his responsibility in reminding us of lots of things. Time management, Israel issues, communications etc. Although I must admit, I did enjoy the free time we had during BEL period last week, since this semester classes are so packed. And the previous week I was very much occupied with a lot of works and obligations. =p

I have to use English nowadays. It’s vital. It’s so very important. I am practicing. =). Be patient with me, won’t you?

I’m done with my BEL 300 2nd individual presentation. The handling complaints part. I was not very nervous. *miracles do happen, with Allah’s will, no doubt*. My first presentation was not really a disaster, but my hands were shaking and cold then, and heart beating so fast... glad this one’s over, though my words kinda ‘berterabur’ and all grammar forgotten, and the usual of not being able to find the exact word or expression, but never mind that, its over.

We were told this morning by Prof. Madya Mohd Noor bin Ramlan to fulfill our responsibility in filling the online lecturer evaluation form. Prof. Md Noor is our BIO 350 lecturer, who has been newly appointed the ‘Timbalan Pengarah Kampus Hal Ehwal Akademik”. Congratulation Prof! Though that means we are seeing you less, at least you are still teaching us. ^_~

Last but not least, chemistry class. Prof Tahir has taken the initiative of giving us short tazkirah at the beginning of classes during this holy fasting month. Always saying that he is not an ustaz, but feels the need to share with us. And for that, I do feel my respect mounting for him. =)

Kay, I guess its better to stop right now. If I continue then this entry will be endless. Hehe. Kay, c u when I c u.

Ilalliqa’.

Back in Jengka...

2006-10-02T15:28:00.000+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh...

muhasabah

Arrived safely back in Jengka at about 9 last night, tired out. 9 hours sitting in the bus in a journey that should take up only 5 hours if I was to ride in a car. Not complaining though.. just pointing out the obvious. Wondering why they have to go to Temerloh first...

Anyway, kak za came to the room last nite, saying

"you're supposed to be asleep, mun told me you wanted to".

huhu.

then she briefed me and got me up-to-date with all the events occurred during my absence: the interview, program pembangunan pelajar part 6, majlis berbuka puasa etc. oh I forgot to ask her about tazkiyatun nafsi last friday... how was it? did anyone miss me? ^_~

see how much I missed in order to be home?

-Thursday nite: the interview of bakal-bakal JPK (left it to Dila, thanx a lot!)
-my classess on Friday including one lab ---> sorry ikhwan!
-Tazkiyatun Nafsi ---> aktiviti kolej
-PPP Part 6 (at risk of being punish with tindakan tatatertib - let not anyone from HEP read this)
-majlis berbuka puasa UiTM Pahang (supposed to help out organizing it, but nobody miss me there, so its ok.)
-majlis berbuka puasa of our beloved EAC (sedapnya nasi goreng =p)
-and last night's Quran Idol EAC (which I was supposed to give out the 'kupon aktiviti kolej', but was too tired - thanx Mun for ur help, luv u n will always do! <3)

no regret though, becoz home is always the best place to be. i was late at getting to the bus station yesterday and well, secretly hoping that the bus already left, so that i could stay a little longer. hihi.. but Sri Jengka bus is always late. later than even me!

anyway.
Seeing the list of succesful candidates last nite, there was this huge relief in my heart.. one more thing settled. So sahabat kolej, the list is out, or still not out but already in our hands. =) Saya dah ada pengganti, yang akan ambil alih kepimpinan JPK sem depan ini. *mixed feelings*

sampai sini dulu, ilalliqa'.

Sket je lg.. last, i promise.

2006-10-01T02:40:00.000+08:00

Mesej dari seorang sahabat,

"Sahabatku di jalan Allah, pertemuan ini bukan milikmu, bukan jua milikku.. Inilah perancangan Allah, Tuhan yang Maha Kuasa, Maha Mengetahui segala rahsia... Kerana Dialah jua aku kini mengenalimu, mengasihimu, menyintaimu... kerana perjuangan kita satu, kerana tujuan kita satu.. dan kerana Dia telah menetapkan aku mempelajari sesuatu daripadamu di sini..."

Sahabat, saya benar sangat sayang pada kalian...

maafkan saya, segala salah silap. maafkan saya andai selama ni tak jadi sahabat yang baik. terima kasih atas huluran persahabatan selama ini. terima kasih kepada yang selalu mengingati.

ukhuwah fillah, abadan abada.

walau tiada di mata, di hati tetap tak lupa, kan?

semoga Allah memberkati, segalanya.

Jg diri, iman, amal...

Ilalliqa'.

Just little bit more...

2006-10-01T01:51:00.000+08:00

Em.. baru teringat.

This is the most popular question I got in the last week. So might as well answer it here. If u r another alumni you probably wanted to know. Coz nobody seems interested in asking me how i was doing, well, they did ask, but I know the real reason of their sudden care is to know this. (prejudiced dyana! ;p).

He was the one who refused to put up his posters for the election, claiming, 'I have no intention of winning'. But perhaps, he was quite sure he'll win anyway. He was busy with his course mates in campaining for another candidate (were you?).

He was the one who had his hand raised up to the question,
"siapa yang berminat untuk menjadi JPK pada semester hadapan..."
during one of our meeting with our 'sahabat kolej'.

Quite, charismatic in his own way, used to be shy (is that the correct word?), but nowadays can't stop teasing people around him, wanted to be an engineer but turned out taking a course unrelated to engineering (at least not civil or mechanical, or electrical), he is the winning candidate from the Diploma in Computer Science course.

Muhammad Abu Huzaifah Mohd Subohi, at the age of 19, is the new Yang DiPertua of the Students' Representative Council of UiTM Pahang, for the 2006/2007 session.

Tahniah, and takziah.

"Setiap dari kamu adalah pemimpin, dan setiap dari kamu adalah bertanggungjawab (akan dipersoalkan) atas kepimpinannya."

There, I'm finished =).

Ilalliqa'.

When you didn't mean that one but the other...

2006-10-01T01:06:00.000+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh...

It's one o'clock. I'm suppose to be doing ETR, but had to stop. Or maybe I'm making excuse so that I can take lil'break.

I was immersed in my works (typing intently as the ideas were flowing like the smooth wave in the river) when mama came to tell me she wanted to take of "ubat nyamuk" from the plug, so could I please do it for her. I bend, and (safety in mind) switch off one of the "suis". and then i stopped dead. lucky there's no screaming on my part. the com's screen turned black. and my works... my babies.. my preciousssss ETR things...

i forgot which files i saved and which i didn't. and I feel.. well, guess people usually knows how it feels, losing your work. it's frustrating. it's DEVASTATING.

which reminds me...
the other day, on the day of PERDIPSA's dinner, I managed to almost finish a paperwork for 'Bengkel Pemantapan Bakal JPK', and since Mun was going to give a speech, stop at the last minutes to wrote them out for her. (that's just what I do, part-time speech writer ---> one day going to be the writer for PM or someone =P). Finished that, printed out the speech, gave it to Bulan, playing in my mind of the possibility of not attending the dinner, got up anyway and iron my baju songket, solat isyak, then went out. somehow, there isn't any memory in my brain of switching off the laptop or saving my file.

Maybe because I went against my jugdement (the angel side), or maybe because niat tak betul waktu pergi dinner, or maybe because tak ikhlas wat keje, or maybe because Allah loves me and wants to remind me of my sins (that's a consolation), the next day, after a tiring day of classes (ye ke?) bukak laptop with the intention to finish the paperwork, and searching frantically in every folder, including adan's and mun's, and everywhere where search is possible, and you guess it right. I lost it. the paperwork.

I found only the draft. the early stage of that paperwork.

No use to cry, I'm no longer a baby.

No one to blame. it must be because of my carelessness again.

so I went to bed, taking my beloved pillow and covering my whole face with it, went to sleep! Good way to temporarily forgets ur probs. yup.

but can't do that today.. too much works waiting in the list.

SO.

I switch on the com again. went to the kitchen, looking for something to eat, make a mug of MILO, there's no bread in sight (so the house is boycotting that too. good.) Look up for kurma in peti ais, and took almond london atas peti ais (kuih raye?) and went back here. bukak internet, and you. my blog. melepaskan perasaan.

it's not that bad really. only yang belakang2 je tak empat save. most of my work SELAMAT. Thanx to autorecovery. Thanks to LORD The Almighty!

Should stop now, shouldn't I? Yup.. but feels like writing some more..

Did I ever tell you this? (question not intended to be answered by Bulan atau ZURA). I really really love writing. hehe =)

Kay, c u when I c u. (got this in a novel somewhere). soon, I hope.

Oh yes, please pray for my ETR, I want an A...

Ilalliqa'...

Lots of love,
~ ddyana

Tentang usrah...

2006-09-24T17:00:00.000+08:00

Assalamu’alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Agak lama tak menerima sebarang pengisian, memandangkan terlalu sibuk dengan urusan keduniaan (^o^). Namun insyaAllah, urusan dunia itu akan menyumbang kepada timbangan akhirat, andai niat benar-benar ikhlas kerana Allah semata. Bukankah setiap yang diniatkan kerana Allah itu ibadah? =)

Em, Ahad lepas saya sempat menimba sedikit ilmu daripada seorang kakak... Alhamdulillah, Allah berikan peluang untuk berada dalam majlis ilmu sekali lagi. Hari Jumaat minggu lepas, ustazah Minah ada bagitau, kalau kita tak berada dalam majlis ilmu lebih dari 40 hari, hati akan berkarat. Na’uzubillah.

Usrah & Kepentingannya Dalam Tarbiyyah Islamiyah.

Tajuk nilah yang kami bincangkan. Tapi tak sempat habis pun. Separuh je. Kata kak nor, usrah itulah yang mengikat hati-hati pejuang Islam, kerana usrah tempat membina ukhuwah. Melalui usrah kita akan dapat saling mengenali sahabat-sahabat, bertukar cerita (maklumlah bkn senang nak jumpa kat kampus), berkongsi pendapat dan pandangan dan usrahlah tempatnya untuk memberi teguran atau kritikan yang membina. Dalam hidup ni, kita kena ada orang yang selalu menegur, sebab kita manusia, akan mudah lupa, mudah tersilap langkah. Dan kalau ditegur dan diperingatkan, kita mesti bersyukur pada Allah. Kerana itu tandanya Allah sayangkan kita, Allah nak kita kembali mengamalkan ajaran yang sebenar, kembali dalam dakapan dan kasih sayang Ilahi.. sebabtu kita diperingatkan…

Muqaddimah, mengupas ayat 13-14 Surah Al-Kahfi yang berbunyi:

“Kami ceritakan kepadamu (wahai Muhammad) perihal mereka dengan benar; sesungguhnya mereka itu orang-orang muda yang beriman kepada Tuhan mereka dan kami tambahi mereka dengan hidayat petunjuk. Dan Kami kuatkan hati mereka (dengan kesabaran dan keberanian), semasa mereka bangun (menegaskan tauhid) lalu berkata: Tuhan kami ialah Tuhan yang mencipta dan mentadbirkan langit dan bumi; kami tidak sekali-kali akan menyembah Tuhan yang lain dari padanya; jika kami menyembah yang lainnya bermakna kami memperkatakan dan mengakui sesuatu yang jauh dari kebenaran.”

Ayat tu menceritakan tentang pemuda-pemuda yang cukup berani menentang pemerintah yang zalim pada zaman tu. Dan bila mereka diancam dengan hukuman bunuh, mereka terpaksa lari. Key pointnya kat sini, “orang-orang muda”. Allah kurniakan kesabaran dan keberanian kepada pemuda-pemuda ni. Dan sekarang pulak, kat zaman ni, kitalah pewaris mereka, kitalah pemuda-pemuda yang sepatutnya menegakkan agama. Cukupkah keazaman kita, beranikah kita?

Hadith Nabi s.a.w:

“Sebesar-besar jihad adalah berkata benar di hadapan pemimpin yang zalim”

Sekarang, kita cuma berhadapan dengan ujian yang sedikit, halangan daripada orang yang lebih berkuasa, tapi dah pun menikus, takut sangat. Sedangkan sahabat-sahabat Nabi s.a.w menerima ujian yang lebih berat dari tu…

“Adakah patut kamu menyangka bahawa kamu akan masuk Syurga, padahal belum sampai kepada kamu (ujian dan cubaan) seperti yang telah berlaku kepada orang-orang yang terdahulu daripada kamu? Mereka telah ditimpa kepapaan (kemusnahan harta benda) dan serangan penyakit serta digoncangkan (oleh ancaman bahaya musuh), sehingga berkatalah Rasul dan orang-orang yang beriman yang ada bersamanya: Bilakah (datangnya) pertolongan Allah? Ketahuilah sesungguhnya pertolongan Allah itu dekat (asalkan kamu bersabar dan berpegang teguh kepada agama Allah).”
(Surah Al-Baqarah: Ayat 214)

Ujian diterima umat terdahulu lebih hebat, perit dan sakit. Tapi saya rasa, kita hari ini pun diuji, dengan nikmat dunia yang pelbagai, salah satunya adalah rasa selamat. Maklumlah, kita bukan hidup di negara yang dalam peperangan, atau sering dilanda dengan bencana alam. Kita hidup penuh kemewahan. Apapun masalah kita, kita masih punyai keluarga sebagai tempat bergantung. Sebab tu mungkin, kita sering terlupa yang bahawa pergantungan utama kita sepatutnya adalah Allah semata-mata. Dan sebab tu bila dah berada di rumah agak lama, kita mudah futur, dilanda penyakit malas dan macam-macam lagi. Ni peringatan untuk diri saya sendiri…

Tentang golongan muda yang berjuang di jalan Allah, ada syarat-syarat yang perlu dipenuhi. Bila syarat-syarat ni dipenuhi, insyaAllah kemenangan akan berpihak di tangan Islam.

Pertama, iman yang kental.

Syarat ini, sedikit sahaja dari kita yang memilikinya. Iman tu asas segala-galanya, tanpa iman kita tak akan merasa pentingnya memperjuangkan Islam. Iman itu benteng dari melakukan kemaksiatan. Tetapi iman manusia ada naik dan turunnya. Sebab tulah, kita selalu disuruh berdoa agar ditetapkan hati di atas jalan yang benar.

Em, kadang-kadang kita ni, tiap2 hari baca Al-Fatihah, ayat 6:

“Tunjukkanlah kami jalan yang lurus”

Tetapi bila Allah tunjukkan jalan, kita tak nak ikut. Kadang-kadang kita sendiri lari dari hidayah Allah, pastu menyalahkan Allah kerana tak beri kita hidayah… Sedangkan Allah dah bagitau, yang hak (benar) itu jelas, yang batil itu pun jelas. Kalau ada rasa ragu tentang perbuatan kita samada berdosa atau tidak, tinggalkanlah.

Subky Latif ada menyebut, “Islam takkan tertegak di bumi ini sehingga Subuh sama seperti Jumaat.” Pernah dengar tak? Maksudnya, selagi solat subuh berjemaah di masjid tak sama jumlahnya dengan bilangan muslim yang solat jumaat, selagi tulah, Islam takkan menang. Bangun subuh tu payah… Yang betul-betul kuat sahaja yang akan selalu solat subuh di awal waktu. Apatah lagi untuk solat berjemaah. Susah nak turun masjid waktu orang lain dibalut mimpi. Kalau kita berjaya buat, alhamdulillah…

Kedua, Petunjuk (Al-Huda)

Sebenarnya yang ini saya tak berapa faham. >_<

Setakat yang saya faham, apa yang dimaksudkan dengan petunjuk itu adalah Al-Quran. Sebab kak nor bercerita pasal Al-Quran. Katanya, tugas kita adalah menterjemahkan apa2 yang tertulis dalam Al-Quran ke dalam realiti. Segala akhlaq yang di ajar dalam Al-Quran mesti dicernakan ke dalam diri kita dan kita harus bekerja dan berusaha untuk menterjemahkannya ke dalam masyarakat.

… Sesungguhnya telah datang kepada kamu cahaya kebenaran (Nabi Muhammad) dari Allah dan sebuah Kitab (Al-Quran) yang jelas nyata keterangannya. Dengan (Al-Quran) itu Allah menunjukkan jalan-jalan keselamatan serta kesejahteraan kepada sesiapa yang mengikut keredaanNya dan (dengannya) Tuhan keluarkan mereka dari gelap-gelita (kufur) kepada cahaya (iman) yang terang-benderang, dengan izinNya dan (dengannya juga) Tuhan menunjukkan mereka ke jalan yang lurus.
(Surah Al-Maidah : 15-16)

Ketiga, Pertautan Hati.

Hati pemuda-pemuda yang berjuang dalam gerakan Islam ikatannya adalah aqidah, iman, Islam dan ukhuwwah. Ukhuwah datangnya dari perasaan kasih sayang. Bila bersahabat kerana Allah, bila berpisah akan selalu teringat saat-saat bersusah payah berjihad di jalan Allah. Ikatan ukhuwah yang mantap, contohnya adalah di kalangan Ikhwanul Muslimin, yang mana kalau mereka tak berkumpul dan tak bertemu, ibarat ikan tak jumpa air. Tapi kita sekarang tak macam ni kan?

Bercakap bab ukhuwah, kalau saya sendiri, kalau ada terasa dengan sahabat, atau rasa jauh, atau rasa nak marah, saya akan ingatkan diri saya kembali kepada waktu “camping”, waktu sama-sama susah. Menggigil dalam air, makan pun entah apa-apa, tapi yang penting waktu tu, kita bersama dalam keadaan payah, kita bersatu, walau sebelum tu tak kenal pun.

Satu lagi, saya akan ingatkan diri, siapa lagi yang akan menerima saya seadanya saya sebagaimana sahabat-sahabat sekarang? Yang sering menunjukkan wajah gembira dan kata-kata manis (walaupun bodek ;p) bila bertemu. Yang kalau lama sikit tak bersua, mesej rindu akan selalu jadi peneman dan penawar hati?

Macam azura bagitau, ukhuwah itu indah.. tapi kitalah yang kena cari keindahan disebaliknya.

Saya sangat suka maksud doa Rabitah, yang seringkali kita bacakan setiap kali membaca ma’thurat, hayatilah..

Ya Allah, Engkau Mengetahui bahawa hati-hati ini (orang yang dibayangkan tadi) telah berkumpul kerana mengasihiMu, bertemu untuk mematuhi (perintah)Mu, bersatu memikul beban dakwahMu, hati-hati ini telah mengikat janji setia untuk mendaulat dan menyokong syari’atMu, maka eratkanlah Ya Allah akan ikatannya. Kekalkan kemesraan antara hati-hati ini. Tunjukkanlah kepada hati-hati ini akan jalanNya (yang sebenar). Penuhkan (piala) hati ini dengan cahaya Rabbani Mu yang tidak kunjung malap. Lapangkanlah hati-hati ini dengan limpahan iman/keyakinan dan keindahan tawakkal kepadaMu. Hidup suburkan hati-hati ini dengan ma’rifat (pengetahuan sebenar) tentangMu… (jika Engkau mentakdirkan mati) maka matikanlah pemilik hati-hati ini sebagai para syuhada’ dalam perjuangan agama Mu. Engkaulah sebaik-baik sandaran dan sebaik-baik penolong… Ya Allah, perkenankanlah
permintaan ini…

Keempat, konsep hierarki.

Saya pasti semua umat Islam yang mukmin (beriman) mengharapkan kemenangan Islam. Tapi di sinilah letaknya masalah. Mana boleh berharap sahaja, mana perginya usaha kita? Apa sumbangan kita dalam membantu menegakkan agama Allah? Islam, tidak akan tertegak selagi umat Islam berpeluk tubuh dan berdiam diri…

Kita yang seringkali menggelarkan diri sebagai seorang da’ie, masih lemah amat, masih ramai yang tak bergerak… Sedangkan dalam keadaan dunia sekarang, Islam dalam ancaman… kerja-kerja dakwah dah jadi Fardhu Ain. WAJIB… kalau tak buat, kita berdosa…

Yang penting kena ingat, Ruang dakwah itu pelbagai, banyak sangat… tapi macam mana kita nak berdakwah, kalau kita tak punya sebarang bekalan. Untuk dapatkan bekalan tu, usrahlah tempatnya… sumber kekuatan kita, yang akan mengingatkan diri kita bahawa kita tak bersendiri…

Sekadar berkongsi sedikit pengisian. Harap dapat menjadi peringatan, dan dimanfaatkan. Em. Kalau kita dapat kebaikan, kena jaga betul-betul. Kena pupuk, semai, baja, jangan biar kebaikan tu pergi, atau mati. Kerana kebaikan itulah hidayah Allah…

Sahabat, jaga diri, iman, amal, segalanya.

Ilalliqa’. =)

Ahlan wa sahlan ya Ramadhan!

2006-09-24T13:51:00.000+08:00

Harapan Ramadhan
Album : Maafkan
Munsyid : Raihan
http://liriknasyid.com

Ku mengharapkan Ramadhan
Kali ini penuh makna
Agar dapat kulalui
Dengan sempurna

Selangkah demi selangkah
Setahun sudah pun berlalu
Masa yang pantas berlalu
Hingga tak terasa ku berada
Di bulan Ramadhan semula

Puasa satu amalan
Sebagaimana yang diperintahNya
Moga dapat ku lenturkan
Nafsu yang selalu membelenggu diri
Tiada henti-henti

Tak ingin ku biarkan Ramadhan berlalu saja
Tuhan pimpinlah daku yang lemah
Mengharungi segalanya dengan sabar
Kita memohon pada Tuhan diberikan kekuatan
Ku merayu pada Tuhan diterima amalan

Selangkah demi selangkah...
Dengan rahmatMu oh Tuhanku...
Ku tempuh jua..

Assalamu'alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh...

Gembira sesangat tibanya Ramadhan! =)

Semalam seperti biasa Pusat Islam Uwais Al-Qarni penuh + tak muat bila siswa siswi UiTM Pahang turun ramai-ramai untuk solat tarawikh kali pertama. tadarus pun habis sampai juzu' 4. alhamdulillah... cuma harapnya janganlah waktu mula-mula ni je uwais tu penuh... em, macam dulu2.

Tadarus kali ni ada kelainan sikit, iaitu buat kat dua tempat (bagi siswi). Raudhah dan Uwais. Tapi untuk hari kuliah je. sebab hari minggu biasanya student balik umah time2 macam ni. hari minggu tetap kat Uwais je. semoga sambutan yang diterima terus menggalakkan seperti malam tadi...

Minggu lepas saya sangat sibuk... maaf ye kalau ada yang terabai.

Alhamdullillah, untuk pilihanraya tempoh hari, 6 calon daripada JPK berjaya mendapat kerusi MPP. Abu, Ikram, Din, Suzie, Hanim, dan Sarah. Semoga lepas-lepas ni tiada lagi masalah persefahaman antara MPP-JPK, dan semoga kalian jadi penghubung yang akan melicinkan gerak kerja bagi semua program yang dirancang. Chaiyo' chaiyo'! =)

Sahabat-sahabat, ikhwah akhawat, apa khabar? (baru nak tanye ;p) Lama tak dengar khabar berita, terutama akhawat shams yang selalu dirindui... dan orang-orang (kesilapan tatabahasa yang disengajakan) kat shah alam. senyap je ek kalau saya senyap (---> ayang).

Apepun, saya sangat berharap kita same2 menggunakan kesempatan Ramadhan ini untuk meningkatkan keimanan dan ketaqwaan, mengumpul pahala sebagai bekalan untuk perjalanan ke akhirat kelak. sama-sama mengingati dan memperingatkan.

Em, dalam banyak2 mesej Ramadhan yang saya terima, saya paling suka yang ini:

"Semoga Ramadhan sempurna, amalan seharum cendana, iktikad setinggi singgahsana, makrifat seagung kencana, seiring ikhlas, dipayungi insaf dan syukur. selamat berpuasa." - thanks kak ct!

Kay, ilalliqa'.

p/s: Ina, please call kakak... ;-(

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